Knicks Hating

Golden State Warriors 106, New York Knicks 104
New York Knicks 89, Philadelphia 76ers 81

Isiah-in-Wonderland was on vacation over the weekend, so there was no time to sort through these two games. Things have gotten a bit scary with a 5-5 record (THE HORROR) over the past 10 games. Winning at a .500 clip is just not acceptable right now, but at least we're not facing anything quite as bad as that three-game winning streak at the moment.

On the other hand, the Knicks have only the sixth-worst record in the NBA right now at 14-29 and are only four games behind the Indiana Pacers for the eight and final playoff spot in the East. Now that's horrifying indeed.

Anyway, I'm not the only one who just can't stand the Knicks this season. Last week brought a fresh wave of assaults and insults. The first to speak up was Clippers head coach Mike Dunleavy, who used the Knicks as an example of bad management.

"I would only make deals to help our future. Anything else is suicide," Dunleavy told the Los Angeles Times. "Anything else and you become the New York Knicks."

It's good to know that the Knicks can now serve as one of those management and personnel case studies. Students of the NBA years from now will have a display of the 2007-8 Knicks up in their classroom as an example of exactly what not to do in putting together a team.

When Charles Oakley talks, you listen

The other insult was far more serious because it came from someone so close to home. Charles Oakley, one of the most beloved players in Knicks history had these comments to share last week:

"They don’t have a leader. A lot of the guys on the team don’t know how to play basketball. They don’t look like they’ve been playing basketball on a day-to-day basis. I don’t think they have a lot of talent. They have a lot of guys making money. That doesn’t mean you have talent."

And then:

"Randolph is just a double-double guy and [Curry] hasn’t been in shape in two or three years. They lose the same way, by 20, 30 points. If you’re going to lose, lose going out – bodies on the floor, making an effort on defense. If you lose 30-something games by the All-Star break, it’s a disgrace."

When Oakley speaks up, you listen. Oak was a man among boys when he played in New York, one of the toughest hombres on the court. He was fearsome and intense, a hard worker who never let the other team get an easy basket. The city went into mourning when he was traded to Toronto (even though that trade netted Marcus Camby and eventually worked out pretty well).

And Oakley's words count far more than anything I, the other critics, the media or the average can can conjure. So when he lashes out at a team and players like that, it's time to either step up or leave your pride at home for the rest of the season.

Next up: Knicks at Lakers at 10:30 p.m. Tuesday.
Best-case scenario: Kobe, feeling a bit ornery, scores all of his team's points in an 89-84 victory. The Knicks backcourt spontaneously explode in embarrassment.
Worst-case scenario: Without Bynum in their way, Curry and Randolph destroy Kwame Brown and pile on the points.

Berman Boileth Over

Marc Berman's run-in with MSG security on Monday seems to have driven the Post's beat writer into a frothy rage. This is how it went down, according to Berman's recent column:

"I got pushed around pretty good by a couple of the green blazers while in chase of the heckler, as security became more physical than anything that happened between Quentin Richardson and Paul Pierce. Suddenly, a security officer, in the heat of the moment, yanked my press credential right off my neck as I walked."

The Garden of Hate, indeed.

Like I said before, it doesn't take much to keep reporters happy. Politeness, plenty of access and occasionally a little free chow will do the trick. But what the Garden pulled off on Monday is just about the easiest way to alienate them.

Berman is now seemingly in open warfare with the Knicks. They have heaped endless misery upon us poor fans. But imagine all the crap the reporters have to deal with. They're the ones who have to watch all the games and find something interesting to write about every day. You try writing something different about a pile of shit in each article and see how hard it is.

And here's Berman's wrathful sign-off:

"There's been no apology from the Knicks for the rough stuff - much like there's been no apology for this season of catastrophe."

So how does MSG react? By hitting back at all reporters, of course. The latest notices say that the media will be banned from now on from the "rotunda" and also prohibited from speaking to fans who are being ejected. Yup, and none of this, of course, is at all counterproductive.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Once colleagues and friends, Larry Brown and Isiah Thomas
are now sworn enemies

And just when you thought he'd faded into the yearning past, Larry Brown reared his ugly head this week and sent forth both a nice sally at his enemies with the Knicks and a great news item for a slow week.

Larry Brown, who presided over the original Team Titanic and that season from the depths of Dante's Inferno, must be getting jealous of all the new misery this year. His old bunch are getting overshadowed. And no one ever thought the Knicks could be worse than they were with Brown at the helm.

Brown opened his mouth this month to complain that MSG officials were spying on him regularly during his season with New York and giving him the cold shoulder, refusing to speak to the coach throughout the final weeks of his tenure. You can read all about it from the Post, the Daily News, Newsday and the Times.

Here's his nicest swipe, though. Brown, who's now with the 76ers in a front office position, was asked about head coach Maurice Cheeks and the potential he could replace him at some point. "I could never stab Mo in the back like that," Brown responded. Sort of like how Isiah axed Brown and then installed himself as head coach, right?

These sorts of comments might reek of sour grapes, but I like it. Brown, after all, waited almost two years to open his mouth - a fine show of restraint. And he also pulled off the salvo nicely. He didn't blame anyone particularly and instead indicted the whole organization as one filled with douchebags and creeps.

Frank Isola, the Daily News' beat writer, has a fine take on the whole event in his blog.

The False Prophet decided to stay above the fray, but that didn't stop the Times' Howard Beck from taking the opportunity to present a lengthy comparison of the Brown and Thomas eras.

Torpedo tubes open, fire away.

Q the Knife

Boston Celtics 109, New York Knicks 93

I missed this game, and apparently I also missed a few treats besides a solid loss. Howard Beck was quite sedate about the defeat, but Marc Berman put some gloss on it in his gamer: "It got so bad yesterday, the Knicks and Isiah Thomas were shown up by Celtics journeyman guard Eddie House and marginal center Kendrick Perkins."

Oh jeez, that must have been fun. According to Berman, this is how it went down:

"With 2:24 left in the Boston rout, House drained a right-corner 3-pointer in front of the Knicks' bench that put the Celtics up by 20 points. House turned to Thomas and shouted at him. In a rage, Thomas called timeout. When the huddle broke, Thomas led his five Knicks up the sidelines to midcourt as if they were looking for a street fight. Referee Joey Crawford talked to Thomas to settle him down."

In other words, this almost turned into Knicks-Nuggets II, which would have been a brilliant redux. And the False Prophet even let his mask of gentility/insanity slip during the postgame conference and let out a good curse. Alas, another opportunity for the Knicks to embarrass themselves before a national audience slips away. On the other hand, they lost by a lot. It may not have been 45 points, it wasn't even 20, but we'll take what we can get after last week's disgusting success.

And yet ...

And yet, how nice would it have been if Isiah had just started a flagrant brawl?

But there were still perks. Quentin Richardson and Paul Pierce got the double-ejection, with the Worstest apparently inviting Pierce for a postgame showdown outside. How disastrous would that have been for Q? Pierce has survived a knife attack and multiple stab wounds. Richardson is shorter, slighter and out of shape. And I can't quite see him in a Mack the Knife kind of role.

The Worstest is ready to throw down with Paul Pierce

Here's an idea, Q: How about you take that combativeness and sudden energy and try to buck up on the court? If you have the energy to fight, where's the energy to play defense, you miserable sack of shit. This is what I can't stand, and the same thing was evident during the fiasco with the Nuggets last season. You don't get the right to posture with false machismo if you're so pitiful that you can't put up a good effort more than once a week.

And Berman, of course, is pulling no punches these days. So he slipped this delectable morsel into his article: "Curry was god-awful defensively, out of position and removed after the Knicks fell behind 21-10 six minutes in."

Big Useless at his best.

By the way, Alan Hahn assures us that these recent wins mean exactly bupkus. Good to know this is all a facade of respectability.

Meanwhile, there was another imbroglio over fan discontent, as Berman recounted in his Knicks Notes roundup. The Garden of Hate's Big Brother-esque tactics have been both disappointing and hilarious so far - how long before someone holds up a sign at a game that says "2+2=5" - but this was the first time reporters got involved in some kind of fracas. I can just imagine how pissed Berman must have been when security jostled him.

The Knicks have to learn something about PR. They've already alienated all the fans and most of the media. But the media will turn around with a few wins. Reporters will never forgive this kind of bullshit, though.

But the most transcendent of all involved the False Prophet, of course. I don't even have a joke or commentary here. I'll let Berman do the honors in his blog:

"Weirdest moment came when Isiah lectured some of the writers for saying he was disappointed nobody asked him about Martin Luther King during his pregame availability with the media. One wiseguy journalist said later if he wanted us to ask him what MLK would have thought of Anucha."

Yup, those are the Knicks.

Isiah would love to talk about MLK, but don't bring up Anucha

Next up: 76ers at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. Friday.
Best-case scenario: Let's get that damn winning streak out of our minds with the beginning of a nice, long losing streak.
Worst-case scenario: Philly is 2.5 games ahead of the Knicks. If New York gets any closer, they might just wrest themselves out of the shitty tier of NBA teams and into the craptacular group.

The Big Grab Bag

New York Knicks 88, Miami Heat 84

Well, you can't lose them all. Especially when you're playing a team that is now 8-31, has lost 13 straight and has easily wrested the title of "most pitiful spectacle in the NBA" from the Knicks. Is there a Riley-in-Wonderland blog somewhere?

Then again, the Knicks also managed to lose to the Heat earlier this season even though Dwyane Wade was on the bench, so this is a bit rough. So a win is a win, and I don't feel like talking about it. Instead, let's go over a grab bag of good stuff from this week.

Everyone has started to recognize just how useless Eddy Curry is

• First, some nice news from Sports Illustrated, which recently polled 242 NBA players to find out who among them gets the least out of the most talent. The results left Eddy Curry - Big Useless himself - in third with seven percent of the vote. Kwame Brown got first place, followed by Tim Thomas, Curry and Vince Carter.
• The Knicks had an opportunity to win four straight on Friday but lost to the Wizards. The last time they had a winning streak that long was in January 2006.
• Some hilarious news from the Post: Someone has been having some fun with the Phoenix Suns' Leandro Barbosa. The talented Brazilian received a prank message saying that he was being traded to the Knicks and had to go see the GM. His reaction? Utter misery. "My heart was hurting," Barbosa told the East Valley Tribune in Phoenix. "I went a little crazy." In the NBA, New York has become the new Siberia.
• And finally, an interesting anecdote I heard from Mike Breen and Kenny Smith on an MSG telecast earlier this week. Apparently, the media was asking Isiah a lot of questions about Renaldo Balkman, who had contributed a lot to that short, much-heralded winning "streak." Zeke conceded that Balkman had been great, but then he was asked why he hadn't been playing him at all for so much of the season. Isiah declined to answer the question and told the reporter to ask Balkman instead. So when they went to Balkman, his reaction went something like this: "How the hell should I know why I wasn't playing? I'm not the coach - I don't make these decisions."
• The False Prophet is so bad that even Canada has started to notice.

Renaldo Balkman just can't catch a break

Next up: Celtics at Knicks at 1 p.m. Monday.
Best-case scenario: The last time these two played, the Knicks lost by 45. Something similar would be nice.
Worst-case scenario: This is just one of those must-lose scenarios. The Knicks can't afford a win against such a good opponent, so I'd like to say a win is the worst-case scenario. Then again, these are the Knicks, so let's just go with a close loss.

A Day of Relief

Washington Wizards 111, New York Knicks 98

It's amazing how much better you can feel 24 hours later, and I'm not talking about my cold. With life as a Knicks fan looking so lackluster on Friday, the Dumb Bunch came through in style.

First, they lost to the Wizards after beating them easily earlier this week. Then we hear that Stephon Marbury underwent surgery for bone spurs in his ankle and is out indefinitely. On top of that, Isiah Thomas continues his public game of coy/enigmatic/bullshit announcements regarding Marbury's relationship with the Knicks. Now everybody from the Garden of Hate janitors to the media to the crazy man singing songs in Penn Station have concluded that Marbury is finished in New York; He'll either be traded or cut.

And then, to cap it all off ...

Wait for it ............

A JEROME JAMES SIGHTING!!!!!!

As Marc Berman wrote in his blog: "Basketball's version of American Idle is back."

ZING!!!!

The Albatross around the Knicks' necks spreads his wings

This is like coming across Sasquatch in the remote woods of Oregon and discovering that he's only a large man so developmentally challenged that he can't tell left from right (actually, he doesn't even no what left or right are).

Yes, the biggest albatross in the Knicks organization emerged last night with a couple of minutes of garbage time remaining in the game and even sank his only basket. I'm surprised the False Prophet let him off the bench. He must have regretted the move the second that albatross started tightening around his neck.

So what nickname shall we give Jerome James? The Albatross? Oversold Sasquatch? The Stiff of All Stiffs?

And how about that "matador" defense. With apologies to Walt "Clyde" Frazier, that defense was even worse than matador. I can't quite find the right bloodsport analogy at the moment, unfortunately.

But you know what I like best?

The Post's Marc Berman. He and Howard Beck from the Times are the most reliably downcast when it comes to the Knicks (at least among those writers who have survived the past few years without quitting or going insane). But while Beck is subtle and biting, Berman loves a good written slap across the face. So I obviously drank deeply from the Berman Kool-aid after seeing this lede from his gamer today:

"Cancel the championship parade and date at the White House. The Knicks carried their season-high three-game winning streak into the nation's capital last night and saw it vanish like Congress in January."

One more thing about the mercifully quieted Marbury-Isiah hullabaloo. Have you ever noticed how public speculation about these kinds of subjects are always very public and yet very speculative. That's for a reason - the Knicks do a crap job of handling the media. Here's how you deal with internal problems: be as brief and unhelpful as possible and maintain a show of unity. Sort out the rest in the locker room. Here's how you don't handle these problems: snipe at each other through the press.

Next up: Knicks at Heat at 7:30 p.m. Saturday.
Best-case scenario: Losing to the worst team in the league, that's all we can ask for.
Worst-case scenario: This could get ugly. Miami looks horrible in a Knicks-in-December kind of way. It'll take some classic crappiness to get New York the L. Then again, they might just had enough putrefaction to pull off an 88-58 loss.

Ewoks Are My Only Solace

New York Knicks 111, New Jersey Nets 105

I'm just to upset about this game to write much of anything. All I know is that some wins had to come at some point. Look, we can all just weather this stretch together and get to losing soon. As Howard Beck noted in the Times, "There is rarely anything rational to the Knicks’ rhythms."

But a third win in a row wasn't the only bit of surprising news. Behold, Ken Berger's sarcastic column in Newsday:

"Isiah Thomas said before last night's game - brace yourself - that the Knicks' plan is to avoid taking on more salary so they can get their cap number and luxury-tax bill under control. What? Is the world about to end? Is Britney Spears joining a convent? Will Tim Donaghy reveal at his sentencing hearing next week that every Knicks game he officiated in the past four years was fixed and the franchise will have to fold? What is going on here? The Knicks, concerned about spending money?"

The Knicks represent all that is gaudy and a bit disgusting in New York, playground of the super-rich and their overpriced proclivities. How else to explain the contracts Jerome James and Jared Jeffries received.

And since I have nothing else to add, here's a picture of James Dolan and an Ewok, that fuzzy ball of vomit/fur. You can bet your life that a nickname will come of this. Making fun of Fredo/The Evil Gnome/Tim Curry's Mini-Me never gets old.


Next up: Knicks at Wizards at 7 p.m. Friday.
Best-case scenario: This is an easy one. A loss, a big loss, a rim-rattling loss, a drive-by shooting loss, a gargantuan blowout loss followed by many tears and much rending of garments.
Worst-case scenario: The Wizards blew donkey goats against the Knicks earlier this week, so I'm very worried. Now that we know how bad a Knicks winning streak (by the way, just for the record, outside of New York three wins is considered not nearly impressive enough to define as a streak), can you imagine the horror of a rout?

Let's Be Realistic ...

New York Knicks 105, Washington Wizards 93

The Knicks' win might have had something to do with Washington's ugly-ass uniforms

I turn my head for a few minutes, and the Knicks start kicking butt. Are the Knicks contagious? Can they infect other teams with their disease of inertia and apathy? It sure seemed that way against the Pistons on Sunday and the Wizards last night. Perhaps the best strategy for the Knicks is to rout the ventilation in the Garden of Hate to run from their locker room to their guests'. That way some airborne bacteria of crappiness can spread to everyone else.

I missed the first 11 minutes of the game last night. Then I turned on the TV and saw New York had a 28-12 lead. That was sure depressing. It's not just the good ball movement, the almost palpable sense of enjoyment among a few players, the downright friskiness of Renaldo Balkman and Nate Robinson or the ability to keep a lead. That's all bad enough. But then I see the numbers ... 26 assists and nine turnovers. Holy Shit. That sounds like a good team.

Let's be realistic here. The Knicks are not a good team. They're a crap team. They're a team sewn together from scraps of talent and a good deal of low-grade mortar. They belong in the D-League, where they'd probably get hammered by some hungry up-and-comers. No, they belong in Division 2. So no matter how good a pair of wins looks, remember that this is all counterproductive. This will not lead to any real changes.

The Post's Marc Berman, who has dropped all semblance of neutrality, has it right. The lede from his gamer read, "It's time for a contract extension!" Now that's the sarcasm I'm looking for. Unfortunately, it's a prospect scary because it could be true. Can't you see Fredo inking someone to a 17-year contract soon?

Next up: Knicks at Nets at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday.
Best-case scenario: PLEASE LET THE PAIN END! One loss, just one loss, please.
Worst-case scenario: The Knicks earn a - gasp - three-game winning streak. Zeus smites New York with a big thunderbolt, and Eddy Curry is elected mayor.

Vecsey Comes Undone

Here's a good photo of Peter Vecsey doing his Ancient Booer impersonation after dubbing Isiah the "King of Slime"

The total state of insanity revolving around the Garden of Hate these days has finally seemingly driven the Post's Peter Vecsey over the edge. Vecsey, of course, was the one who bestowed Isiah with the nickname the False Prophet, and I'm glad to see that he is responding to the Knicks and their Dante-esque level of hellishness by responding with the absurdity they deserve. That's why he used a paraphrase of a wonderful quote from "The Princess Bride" today in his column:

"Bow down to the King of Refuse! So, bow down to him if you want. Bow to the King of Slime, the King of Filth, the King of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!"

Vecsey was referring, obviously, to Isiah, who now has another great name to go along with the False Prophet: the King of Putrescence. Hmm, too wordy? Maybe King of Slime will do. Actually, both will work.

The other highlight of the column was the details on the trade offer from the Knicks that the Milwaukee Bucks recently turned down. The swap would have sent Zach Randolph and Renaldo Balkman to Wisconsin in return for Charlie Villanueva, Bobby Simmons and Dan Gadzuric.

I don't know how to react to this, but since Isiah made the offer I have to assume that it would have been terrible for the Knicks. And that's probably why the Bucks were nuts not to accept. If Isiah called me up with a trade offer that didn't involve me giving up Tim Duncan or LeBron James, I'd agree automatically. You just take it for granted that Zeke will screw over his own team no matter what.

By the way, the whole Marbury thing has taken on a surreal air. Right now, I'm leaning toward the back-off approach. A lot of the columnists want to send the guy to the public stockades, but I want to wait and learn more before making any judgments.

Fredo and the Knicks

New York Knicks 89, Detroit Pistons 65

As Fool's Gold Wins go, this one was a doozy. Come on, 24 points over a 28-10 team? The Pistons looked more like the Knicks on Sunday night than the Knicks can usually manage. They so rarely seem to have the energy these days for a true show of shittiness.

I can't focus on this game too much. The ball movement was goddamn impressive at times, and the Knicks committed almost no turnovers. On the other hand, the fact that Detroit couldn't have sunk a jump shot even if the hoop was 10 feet across had nothing to do with the quality of New York's defense.

Instead, I'm gonna throw this out there:

"Defensiveness and denials filled the air Saturday afternoon, which made it pretty much like any other day recently at the Knicks' trouble-filled training center. Nothing changes here except the Knicks’ winning percentage and their mood, which are plummeting in tandem."

That's Howard Beck's lede in the Times on Sunday, one of those typical between-games articles about nothing in particular except the state of the team. But here's my question: Couldn't that be the lede of almost every Knicks article over the past two months?

There's a beautiful monotony and regularity to all this ballyhooed losing. Yeah, the occasional bit of iron sulfide pokes and - poof! - a win emerges. But for the most part, it's the same disappointment, absurdity, mediocrity and siege mentality day after day. I wonder if at some point the players will start getting cabin fever or something and gradually lose their minds.

But the most interesting article in the Times this week came from the metro section of all places. Did you miss it? The title: "Madison Square Garden's 'Godfather,' Without the Respect."

Yup, it's our good buddy James Dolan, the Evil Gnome, Tim Curry's Mini-Me, the man with the jowls. And now he's got a new nickname.

The article, about the recent controversy over MSG's property tax exemptions and the possibility of their being revoked, compared the Dolan family at length to the Corleones. And James Dolan got smacked with the Fredo tag.

When you get compared to the infamous Fredo Corleone, here's what it means: You're weak, stupid, ineffectual. You're the oldest, but everyone understands you can't be depended upon. You can't lead or prepare for the future. You can't protect or control your family. You are bitter, jealous, pathetic, a black sheep. Your younger brother Sonny is crazy and nut, but he's better than you because he has balls. Your wife's a drunk, you can't face the music, you sleep on black satin sheets and you know all this shithole dives in Havana.

They might not look alike, but James Dolan and Fredo Corleone have a lot in common when it comes to management

Of course, this isn't the first time the Corleone family has come up in basketball. Shaq famously compared the three sons of Don Vito a few years back to his three big co-stars over the years. In his analogy, Penny Hardaway was Fredo, Kobe Bryant was Sonny and Dwyane Wade is Michael.

(As an aside, has anyone noticed that the Knicks have at some point picked up all the over-the-hill washed-up stars of those mid-902 Magic teams. Penny, Nick Anderson, Dennis Scott - all came to the Knicks at the end of their careers and ate up money and bench space. So you know what that mean: Shaq is next. Can't you just see Isiah trading away his next two first-rounders for Shaq just when the big man is entering a sharp decline. By the way, the Magic started playing as an expansion team in 1989. Their first franchise victory ... that's right, over the Knicks.)

So that's what we've come to - James Dolan is aptly being compared to the worst mobster in the history of organized crime, but the tangential connection to Penny Hardaway seems like a big compliment. After all, Hardaway had a few good years before completely falling off the map. Dolan - he's stunk like a fat rat since the day he took charge.

Next up: Wizards at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. on Tuesday.
Best-case scenario: The Knicks follow a 24-point win with a 48-point loss, and Dolan rips off his face to reveal a resurrected John Cazale underneath.
Worst-case scenario: A winning streak, Yikes!

The Berman Trifecta

Toronto Raptors 99, New York Knicks 90

Chris Bosh goes medieval on the Knicks

Apparently, the Knicks lost last night. I wouldn't know for sure; I was too busy drinking. But all the papers say so. Either way, that's always welcome news.

But I'm far more excited about the Marc Berman's report in the Post that Isiah Thomas is considering leaving the bench and moving back up to the executive suite, despite all his vociferous, public denials.

According to the article, the False Prophet thinks most of his players go into games expecting to lose and he only likes three of them - Jamal Crawford, David Lee and Nate Robinson.

Now this is the sort of shit that drives me absolutely nuts. Of those three players, Crawford is the only one who starts. The others come off the bench. Look, I'm all for losing right now. But if Zeke had a non-stupid bone in his body or even one brain cell that was not tragically subpar, he might figure out that he should be starting the players who actually care about the game, especially since they're quite talented.

Of course, even though the prospect of Isiah canning himself as coach is delicious, it's a mere distraction - a band-aid placed on a festering wound. I am set on this point: The Knicks will never be good as long as Thomas (and most likely James Dolan as well) remains in charge.

Back to the game. I do regret missing this one because it apparently featured a nice little war of words between Zach Randolph and the False Prophet. Randolph, wonderfully enough, went scoreless, while Chris Bosh tomahawk slammed the Knicks into submission with 40 points.

I hope you enjoy this picture of the Evil Gnome in prime lumpy mode - look at those jowls

Has anyone noticed how well big men do against New York. First Yao Ming scores a season high, then Bosh falls two points short of his career high. Randolph, apparently, can't guard a cup of tea. As for his partner-in-crime, the Big Useless (Eddy Curry), he can't guard shit on a stick. And these are our two marquee players.

Berman, meanwhile, delivered the piece de resistance of his hat trick yesterday on his blog:

"Isiah Thomas called my story that stated he's considering removing himself from the bench to concentrate on the presidency 'a lie.' Isiah should know about lies because we've heard many of them for four years."

Ouch.

Also recommended: Alan Hahn's latest blog entry, which includes plenty of zingers for all the Knicks.

Next up: Pistons at Knicks at 7 p.m. on Sunday.
Best-case scenario: Rasheed Wallace drops 50 points, and Isiah responds by pulling both Curry and Randolph and then getting into a fight with them on the court.
Worst-case scenario: Zeke starts Lee and Robinson, and the Knicks respond with a 98-point win.

Fake Fans

This stunning news item came from the Post today: the fans featured in a series of commercials promoting the Knicks are actually actors. The ads, which feature seemingly true-life diehards talking about their devotion to the team while moments of past greatness flash behind them (you know, because moments of current greatness are hard to find), are fake.

Now this is nothing new in TV advertising. We've all seen thousands of commercials with actors talking to the camera as if they were real consumers. But this is a little too much. First, it shows us that the Knicks either didn't want to find real fans or just couldn't find any willing to show profess their faith so publicly.

The Knicks say that the actors are also Knicks fans. Perhaps. But why this extra bit of duplicity? Would it be so hard to produce a commercial that in some way doesn't reek of bullshit?

Also, graphic design student/Knicks fan Ivan Cash has gotten another mention in the big papers after the Daily News printed a rundown of vendors who have produced merchandise relating to the Knicks' woes. According to the article, Cash has sold 125 shirts outside MSG and another 35 online. Make that 36. I plan on purchasing one of those "Hate the Coach" beauties sometime today.

The Daily News article also mentioned a decal showing Isiah's name surrounded by flames and a very nice "Fire Isiah" hat that another fan is selling online at this site. Incidentally, here's a site I found featuring an interview with Cash.

The Banality of Losing

Houston Rockets 101, New York Knicks 92

Yao welcomed the Knicks back to reality on Wednesday

What ever happened to the execrable, cringe-inducing, total-disaster, bad-poetry-in-motion Knicks of yesteryear? Don't you yearn for those days when New York was dropping each game by enough points to win most football games? Can you remember when ever game was almost an apocalypse on the court?

After yesterday's humdrum loss to the Rockets, those days seem so far away. The Knicks have now gone 10 games without losing by 20 or more. The largest margin of defeat in that span was 18 points. Don't worry, eight of those games were losses. But still, it's been a while since the Dumb Bunch dropped a game by 27 to the Indiana Pacers on Dec. 17.

Does this mean the team is getting better? We can only hope not.

Wednesday was a bit staid and offered little beyond the memorable spectacle of watching the Knicks miss their first 12 shots of the game, prompting Walt "Clyde" Frazier to openly yearn for the team to try starting a game with energy at some point. Mike Breen offered this rejoinder: "That is certainly not the Knicks' m.o."

Oh, and of course, Isiah got tossed. That was a sweet moment of serendipity, watching the False Prophet get the heave-ho for brushing an official. If only he had the bad sense to stay and embarrass himself further. Alas, the task of watching the Knicks melt down went to assistant coach Herb Williams.

The Times' Howard Beck affirmed that Tuesday's disastrous victory was (mercifully) a rare anomaly, just another fool's gold win. "Order was restored to the Knicks' universe Wednesday night," he wrote in his lede.

Beck also reported that Isiah declared all his players off limits to any trades this season, calling them "untouchable."

Howard, take it away:

"In other words, Thomas seemed satisfied with his team. Some players, like Marbury, may be untouchable because of their contracts. Other players may be untouchable simply because no one else wants them."

According to Marc Berman's gamer in the Post, getting ejected was deliberate on Isiah's part. You know, coach gets purposefully tossed in order to fire up his team. Well even Isiah's most unlikely strategies tend to suck, and last night was no exception. With Zeke in the locker room, the Knicks stunk more than usual.

Of course, getting tossed in basketball isn't like getting tossed in baseball. In basketball, the other team gets one or two free throws as a result. Isiah doesn't seem to realize that the Knicks can't afford to give away any points. In fact, he should petition the NBA to allow his squad to start with a handicap. From now on, the Knicks will begin every game with a 4-0 lead. Don't worry, they'll still lose in the end.

Mitch Lawrence from the Daily News wrote that Isiah's ploy his dumbest move of the season.

Yes, the 25-point embarrassments might not be regular as rain anymore, but after that terrible win in Chicago everything is well again in the the Knicks' world of misery.

Next up: Raptors at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. on Friday.
Best-case scenario: Devastated by his team's failure to match its best winning streak of the season (two games), Isiah resolves to start a streak of his own and purposefully gets ejected again.
Worst-case scenario: Herb inspires the players with a "let's not suck" plea for mediocrity.

"Ooh, Zach missed a three-footer"

New York Knicks 105, Chicago Bulls 100

That's what Walt "Clyde" Frazier, the living legend, said at some point in the fourth quarter on Tuesday with an odd mix of shock and piquant pleasure, and unfortunately it was the highlight of the game. Zach Randolph turned in an atrocious performance, but Eddy Curry - Big Useless himself - looked downright frisky.

That's really all we needed now. Curry found his mojo, Stephon and the dumb bunch started moovin' and groovin' in crunch time and the Bulls promptly screwed the pooch and lost a 13-point lead. And to think how close we came to making it eight straight (losses) in '08. Hmm, that could be a catchy campaign slogan.

Like I said after the New York almost beat the Spurs last week, this had disaster potential. Thankfully, Chicago still played better most of the game and the Bulls are a crappy team (just not as bad as the Knicks). In other words, it might be time for James Dolan, the Evil Gnome, to hand the False Prophet another fat extension. After all, if Tim Curry's Mini-Me can express unending faith in his pet brown-noser after long losing streaks, lord knows what he'll do once his team actually wins a game.

Dolan is like a coked-out Scrooge McDuck with a chasm in his pockets. Open the bank vaults and let 'er rip, boys!

Don't worry folks, it's only a fool's gold win

Beyond the fact that the Knicks won (another small catastrophe), there was some fun moments. Mike Breen matched Clyde's wit with this chestnut at one point in the third quarter: "A lot of players have found their offensive game when playing the Knicks."

And then there was the surprise start for Quentin Richardson, the Mr. Worstest in the flesh, even though all the news accounts prior to the game said Isiah was sure to pull the plug. No matter - Q was just as shitty as usual.

And then, of course, the Bulls welcomed Zeke back with some true Bronx cheers.

Thankfully, Alan Hahn of Newsday provided some perspective:

"But really what do you want as a fan right now? The Knicks are 9-24, well out of playoff contention. We know they're a House of Cards, really. We know their offense doesn't have much creativity and their defense is suspect most of the time (the effort against the Bulls at the end of the game was solid, but remember the Bulls were without Luol Deng). We know the chemistry isn't quite there. So what do you make of these fool's gold wins? Do you really think, a week away from the mid-point of the season, that the Knicks can still make something of this season? Or do you think it's time to start playing young players and seeing what you have?"

A fool's gold win. I like that. Another interesting tidbit from Hahn: The Knicks submitted their lineup card last night with Renaldo Balkman's name written twice and Richardson's name omitted. Can you believe it? The Knicks are so bad they can't even write down their roster correctly.

Next up: Rockets at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday.
Best-case scenario: Yao slams down the first 30-30 since ... I don't know, Moses Malone, Wilt Chamberlain?
Worst-case scenario: The Knicks have actually found their mojo.

The Worst Player on the Worst Team

That would be one Quentin Richardson. Surprised? Don't be. Despite all the bitching and moaning about Big Useless (also known as Eddy Curry) and the waste of space that is Jared Jeffries, the award for now goes to Q, or the Worstest as I shall call him from now on.

Richardson has somehow flown under the radar this season despite atrocious shooting that would get him benched in a youth rec league game. But the Times' Howard Beck called him out today with a sharp denunciation.

We all know the Richardson lost his jumper at some point on the trip to New York from Phoenix, but the revelation this season is how bad his defense is. It's honestly hard sometimes to blame any one player for the matador defense (as Walt "Clyde"Frazier would say) that the Knicks employ, but Beck points out that the Worstest has surrendered 22 points to Josh Howard (a great player) and 36 to Mike Dunleavy (not even close to great) this season.

And thanks for those John Hollinger numbers, too. The great stat maven gives Richardson a PER of 6.8, good enough for 284th in the NBA. And the mystery is why Isiah has stuck with him in the starting lineup for so long. When the False Prophet did shake things up by subbing in Jeffries last week, it was a surprise. To think of all those games when Renaldo Balkman might have started in his place.

The reason for all of this sudden attention is that Zeke is apparently ready to bench Q tonight, according to an article by Marc Berman of the Post. But the supposed reason for the change is that the player's hip hasn't been bothering him. Yeah, and I'm sure his all-encompassing crappiness has nothing to do with it.

Meanwhile, Isiah had this choice quote to offer yesterday when asked if he would consider concentrating solely on his presidential and GM duties: "I know I won't find a more passionate person and a more committed person to [coach] than myself."

Passionate and committed. Two valuable ingredients in the big recipe. Unfortunately, this dish is lacking intelligence and a sense of reality.

387 Days

The brawl that started it all

Do you know what today is? It's Jan. 7, 2008, which marks this as the 387-day anniversary of the Knicks-Nuggets brawl. Let's mark the occasion by printing my column of Dec. 26, 2006 from the North Adams Transcript:

Some of my friends have said they're embarrassed to be New York Knicks fans recently. Forget them. I'll always be proud to be a Knicks fan. What other team has such a ballyhooed history despite winning only two championship in its 60 years of existence? But there's no denying that the team is a complete embarrassment now. "Let them at least be incredibly bad so I can indulge my sports masochism."

Remember that? Probably not. It's what I wrote in the Aug. 18 edition of the Transcript, hoping to provide a definitive statement on the most moribund sports franchise of our present age.

But after the fracas between the Knicks and Denver Nuggets on Dec. 16, I have realized that there may be no way to produce a complete analysis of the pathetic status of the Knicks. Like U.S. presidents and the works of William Shakespeare, the team may require years, even decades of contemplation before reaching any conclusions.

I have now watched Saturday's fight several dozen times and cannot find a single redeeming aspect of the scandal for the Knicks. The team's attempt to have it out with the Nuggets provided just another view into its all-encompassing and disastrous incompetence. New York basketball fans now know this: the Knicks can't even fight well, much less play hoops well.

Any discussion of the New York-Denver melee requires a primer on previous NBA fights. The riot that took place when the Indiana Pacers visited the Detroit Pistons two years ago is most recent. That featured a rapid escalation of violence between a bunch of notorious troublemakers, most notably Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest. It also included plentiful participation by the crowd, from the fellow who threw a cup of beer on Artest to the guy who got KO'd by the Pacers' Jermaine O'Neal.

Saturday's fight offered nothing similar. New York's Nate Robinson and Denver's J.R. Smith crashed into the first few rows at one point, and Robinson put forth a good example of general insanity. But Smith and Robinson produced little that could compare to the antics of the Pacers and the Pistons two years ago.

The most infamous NBA fight, of course, took place in 1977 between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Houston Rockets. That one featured a roundhouse from Los Angeles' Kermit Washington that decked Houston's Rudy Tomjanovich. The punch knocked Tomjanovich unconscious and damaged his skull so badly that spinal fluid began leaking into his mouth.

Obviously, that incident was far more serious than anything that happened Saturday, and it should not be joked about. But, in comparison, it is worth noting that the only injury suffered from the Denver-New York brawl was reportedly a slight scratch to Knicks forward Jared Jeffries' cheek. That slight wound revealed just how pathetic and hollow all the macho posturing of the players was. For all their show of rage and indignation, the most damage they could do was one tiny, skin-deep abrasion. All that trash talk and public vitriol was merely for show and self-aggrandizement.

My favorite fight was the one that took place between the Knicks and the Miami Heat during the second round of the 1997 playoffs. Up 3-1 in the best-of-seven series, New York was derailed when Miami forward P.J. Brown flipped and body slammed Knicks point guard Charlie Ward in the waning moments of game 5.

Brown was suspended for five games, but he was the only member of the Heat punished. New York had six players suspended, most of them for simply wandering off the bench to get a better look at the fight. Playing without many of their stars, the Knicks dropped the next two games and were eliminated.

It was certainly an ignominious moment in Knicks history, but it was also the product of a period when New York was an annual contender for the championship and shared a heated rivalry with Miami on the basis of four straight playoff matchups from 1997-2000 (After the first year, the Knicks won the next three series). That fight nine years ago was the product of some intense pride and animosity between two franchises.

The brawl two Saturdays ago was the result of some intense egotism.

"They wanted to embarrass us," Robinson said, explaining that he believed Denver was trying to run up the score. "It was a slap in the face to us as a team and a franchise and we weren't going to let that happen."

By escalating what might have been a small scuffle into a genuine fight with some flimsy punches and ardent chest-pounding, Robinson provided a slap of his own to the franchise's pride and integrity.

New York head coach Isiah Thomas was no less guilty. He admitted warning Denver's Carmelo Anthony, who embarrassed himself with a sucker punch and hasty retreat, not to go near the basket a minute before the fight broke out. Despite this indication that he ordered Mardy Collins to commit the hard foul that initiated the brouhaha, Thomas was ludicrously exonerated by the NBA.

"They were having their way with us pretty good," Thomas said. "I think J.R. Smith had just made one dunk where he reverses it and spins in the air. I thought that Mardy didn't want to have our home crowd see that again and he fouled him."

No, Isiah, what the crowd didn't want to see was a pathetic group of Knicks act in a way that only emphasized how pitiful they are. The crowd didn't want to see a team that, after the Los Angeles Clippers and the Cincinnati Bengals made the playoffs last season, is undoubtedly the worst professional sports franchise in the country.

Most of all, the crowd wants to see a Knicks squad that matters again. One that plays with heart and pride. And if that pride leads to some conflict, at least a team that can actually carry out a fight instead of producing meaningless sound and fury.

Sports Section Roundup

Houston Rockets 103, New York Knicks 91

I confess my attention was divided between the NFL playoffs and the Knicks last night, so let's take today's cues from the area newspapers and see what fresh quips they can amuse us with.

The Times offers a zingy header, "Randolph Returns; Losing Never Left," and more trenchant wit from Howard Beck:

"Neither Thomas nor James Naismith could explain the Knicks’ endless woe, or the way that they consistently appear to be less than the sum of their parts."

The Post's Marc Berman, meanwhile, offered a terse lede - "It makes no sense" - in reference to how the Knicks could get worse even after getting Zach Randolph back. Well, that really hits at the heart fo the matter. The Knicks simply don't make sense. They live in an irrational, topsy-turvy world.

In his blog, Berman wonders how much longer Isiah will be employed and concludes, "The whole thing is too surreal to believe."

Alan Hahn from Newsday provides an efficient putdown for his lede:

"Isiah Thomas talks about seeking an 'honest effort' from his team. Well, quite honestly, even when they give it, they're not good enough to win."

Alas, the Sun has no weekend edition, but in the meantime enjoy the great John Hollinger's analysis of Wednesday's debacle against the Kings, which includes this choice passage:

"No offense to the Kings, but the Knicks should have won this game by 40 points, and if they weren't so preoccupied with mailing in the season, they would have."

Next up: Knicks at Bulls at 8:30 p.m. on Tuesday.
Best-case scenario: This is the the fourth matchup between the two teams this season, and unfortunately the Knicks won one of those games. It would be nice if their record went to 1-3.
Worst-case scenario: An abrupt end to what has become a beautiful little treasure of the new year, a seven-game losing streak.

Catch-82

San Antonio Spurs 97, New York Knicks 93

The original catch has nothing on Catch-82

That was almost a disaster. A day after I said the Knicks had no chance of beating the Spurs, they almost did just that. Maybe it's just the Spurs' style during the regular season of putting forward just enough energy to get the job done, but they let New York hang around way too long. There were times the Knicks looked downright pesky.

And for the sake of the franchise and its future, that's not a good thing right now.

In case you haven't noticed, I root against New York on a nightly basis. This is neither a consequence of some sudden turn against the team or a tendency toward miserable self-hatred. After four long years of the Isiah regime and two more seasons in purgatory with Scott Layden, losing is the Knicks' best and only option.

They must lose in order to win eventually, and that's the basis of Catch-82 (take a gander at the original catch if you desire).

Nothing will get better for the Knicks until the False Prophet and the Evil Gnome leave

Catch-82, named for the number of games in a season (which also might be the number the Knicks need to lose before the False Prophet gets the boot), posits that ultimate improvement and victory is impossible under present conditions - mainly the continued presence of Isiah as coach and GM, along with most of the players. Thus, the only way to ultimately get better is to get so bad that all the idiots that currently manage or play for the orange and blue get swept away.

In other words, the only way to win is to lose - a lot.

Simply being bad at your job (which is enough to get axed in most workplaces worldwide) simply won't do. We know this because of the ludicrous contract extension the False Prophet got last March after leading the Knicks to a 29-34 record at the time - you know, a losing record. No matter, MSG head honcho and evil gnome James Dolan ponied up a new deal for Zeke, explaining that he had "seen significant and evident progress."

The Knicks promptly fell apart and have remained putrid to this point. Nice contract-year work, Isiah. Mind you, this all followed several years of trades and signings so heinously stupid that most people quickly lost all faith in the team.

And now, with New York on pace to set franchise records for crappiness, Dolan reiterates his support on an almost weekly basis while Isiah grins and mumbles absurd championship predictions.

None of this is new. When asked on his show two months ago where the Knicks' infamous 45-point loss to the Boston Celtics came from, Jim Rome was incredulous. The past four years, he declared, was all you needed to look at to understand why New York was so bad.

Clearly, there is no prospect for improvement with the current situation. And the Evil Gnome has made it clear that there will be no changes if the Knicks continue sucking as they have all season. The only option than is obvious. If it ever wants to get better, the team has to lose as much as possible so that Isiah gets canned some day.

Hate the Coach

Ivan Cash hawks his self-designed T-shirt outside Madison Square Garden before getting arrested for "intent to sell" on Wednesday

So now Ivan Cash is finally getting some attention. The college student - who has speculated tongue-in-cheek that his intriguing name indicates a mysterious status as a money-obsessed Russian gangster or 80s porn star - had achieved only 33rd street fame before Wednesday.

That's because the 22-year-old graphic design student at SUNY-Geneseo was known until now only by those poor Knicks fans entering Madison Square Garden who saw Cash occasionally hawking T-shirts with the edict, "Don't hate the player or the game - hate the coach," and a picture of Isiah Thomas.

I confess, I had heard of Cash before the Daily News reported his arrest on Wednesday for "intent to sell." In other words, he was offering his self-designed T-shirts outside the Garden without a vendor's license.

Well the News got the headline wrong ("Student arrested for 'Fire Isiah" tees" despite there being no such slogan on the shirts in question). It also failed to mention that Cash has been doing this for some time now and has had trouble with the fuzz before.


I first came across his Web site over a month ago and considered for a time calling this blog "Hate the Coach." Alas, Isiah-in-Wonderland was both catchier and more specific. Now Cash has set up a separate site just for selling the shirt. There's also the original story of how he designed and starting selling it back in November 2006 (check out the photo of Walt "Clyde" Frazier appending his John Hancock to one of the tees). Cash also provides the following denunciation:

"Isiah Thomas is the worst thing that's ever happened to the New York Knicks, period. As the president and general manager, Isiah previously fired the coach he'd hired: Larry Brown, (causing the Knicks to eat his remaining, ~$10 million salary) and appointed himself as head coach. Not only have the Knicks failed to have a winning season or make the playoffs since Isiah has taken over, but they also have consitantly had the highest payroll in the league. Innumerable lost draft picks, and a sexual harrasment charge later, the time is ripe to give Isiah the boot."

He hates the False Prophet, the T-shirt is cool and has a great message and it all supports a college student - what's not to like.

State of Denial

Who's crazier - Isiah Thomas or Jurgen Prochnow's

uber-stressed u-boat captain?

Was I the only one who watched Isiah Thomas' pre-game comments last night and wondered if the guy had officially lost it, if he actually was living in the wonderland of his battered mind? Apparently not. After seeing the False Prophet's face of grim certainty and Panglossian reverie on ultimate success, Howard Beck surpassed himself again. Sportswriters sometimes have to wear many hats - statistician, social commentator, figure of justice. After watching Isiah ramble on about winning championships and seeing the Knicks get spanked by the injury-ravaged Kings, Beck, the Times' beat writer, put on a shrink's hat and penned what literary folks might call a masterpiece of psychological realism, a profile of an unstable mind in limbo.

And to hear Isiah's ravings made me think of Jurgen Prochnow's u-boat captain's ominous intonation to his crew while dodging depth charges in "Das Boot":

"Now it gets psychological, friends."

Indeed. Beck's article was good enough to repeat in its entirety. Alas, for the sake of brevity, accept some substantial excerpts:

"Things are rarely as they seem in Thomas’s world. Possibly, it is because his own narration constantly diverges from the expected and the evident. The Knicks reached 2008 with 8 victories and 21 losses — among the worst New Year’s Day records in franchise history. Thomas entered the first game of 2008 talking about championships and legacies. He was not, as far as anyone could tell, attempting humor.
'I believe that one day that we will win a championship here. And I believe a couple of these guys will be a part of that. And I believe I’ll be a part of that. And as I sit here and I say it today, I know people will laugh even more at me. But I’m hellbent on getting this accomplished and making sure that we get it done. And I’m not leaving until we get it done.'
The statement was delivered with great conviction and a steady gaze, as most of Thomas’s soliloquies are. It is becoming increasingly difficult, however, to gauge the true weight of his words. Thomas has made a lot of firm-sounding statements recently, only to undermine them."

All of this was accompanied by four large photos on the front of the sports section showing various gametime expressions of the False Prophet, ranging from comatose to assured to distraught. Alongside, his comments were pull-quoted with the most egregious passages rendered in extra-large type. Moving on:

"So it should not necessarily have been surprising that Thomas, with his team on pace to set a franchise record for losses amid nightly calls for his dismissal, had a different — some would say absurd — perspective.
'I don’t necessarily just want to win a championship,' Thomas said. 'I want to leave something that’s going stand for a long time. I want to leave legacy, I want to leave tradition. I want to leave an imprint and a blueprint, in terms of how people play and how they coach and how they respond when they put on the Knick uniform. I want to leave what I left in Detroit. This is a dark time for us. But I know there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.'"

I'm pretty sure that Isiah is the only one who sees that light, and that leads to another question - is the Isiah just like all the other false prophets of history: equal parts crazed and megalomaniacal. I asked a psychologist I know about his behavior, which has prominently included an insistence on all things positive while the surrounding world collapses and a startling absence of reality. The answer - a bad case of denial, perhaps a symptom of some underlying problem.

Isiah reminds me sometimes of a high school freshman in a class I once substituted in. She chattered along freely and volubly even though I asked her to shut up several times. When confronted, she denied that she had been talking, and I was forced to explain that thinking something is so does not make it so in reality. I think the False Prophet could benefit from a similar explanation. And now, the conclusion of Beck's gamer:

"'I believe we’re on the right path,' Thomas said. 'And I believe we have the right players. Our record doesn’t show that. But I’m not ready to give up on these players.' Then the true believer presided over his 22nd loss in 30 games, while a crowd of thousands chanted 'Fire Isiah.'"

While Isiah easily won quote-of-the-day honors, similar recognition should go to Eddy Curry, who responded with this when asked if he got a message from his coach after being benched last week:

“I don’t think I needed a message. But I got it, though. He could have told me. I respond well to conversation as well.”

As inept as Big Useless is at times on the court, one can never accuse him of being stupid or surly.

I'm not sure what the epigram at the bottom of this poster means, but I enjoy thinking of Isiah as the banana who insists on being an apple

While Beck scored the biggest points, the other Knicks beat writers had just as much fun picking Isiah apart. Marc Berman from the Post called it the coach's "most over-the-top performance yet" in an article titled "Thomas spouts delusional title talk."

Post columnist Mike Vaccaro was particularly gleeful:

"I WANT to live in Isiah Thomas' world. I do. I want to wake up in the morning, and even though the thermometer insists it's 23 degrees in the sun, you can walk the streets in your Bermudas and your tank top and your flip-flops and have to keep the sunscreen at the ready. I want to go to lunch, eat my hamburger and fries, then close my eyes really, really tight and convince myself that I've just consumed filet mignon and a side of lobster (with drawn butter). I want to step on the scale at my health club on the day after the holiday season ends and discover that I have - tada! - lost 25 pounds!

Vaccaro followed up that lede with 14 more paragraphs of the same. It needs to be read to be believed.

Mitch Lawrence of the Daily News, meanwhile, is having just as much fun as I am:

"Of all the nonsense Thomas has put forth during his four-plus years on the job, this might have been his strangest, saddest moment. Thomas didn't violate the Garden's media policy. He violated common sense, objective reality and something commonly referred to as the God's honest truth."

All of the New York area papers had similar write-ups, and there's no point listing them all. Just zip over to that links box on the upper right and have a belly of laughs while reading some of the local serial sarcasts go to town.

Another Disaster

Sacramento Kings 107, New York Knicks 97

I was very worried heading into the game against Sacramento on Wednesday night. The Kings were 11-18, missing their four best players (Ron Artest, Mike Bibby, Kevin Martin and Shareef Abdur-Rahim) and had not had a lead greater than 13 points during the entire season.

I shouldn't have fretted. Sacramento passed the 13-point mark in the second quarter, at which point the "Fire Isiah" chants began raining down. According to Walt "Clyde" Frazier and Mike Breen, it was the earliest in a game the ubiquitous chorus had started.

There's a consistent mediocrity, at times barely detectable, which can make you drift into a have while watching the Knicks. They're down by two points; blink your eyes twice, and the deficit has grown to 15. The Knicks were down by double digits early on and stayed there for the rest of the game, and I'm not entirely sure how it happened. That was an eminently winnable game, and the Kings are clearly not a good team. They would have collapsed in the second half if New York had not already given up.

That led to the depressing spectacle of Clyde and Breen spending the final 24 minutes discussing various ways in which the Knicks were a complete embarrassment. The latter provided this memorable comment midway through the third quarter:

"This crowd is just bored. They're not even booing anymore."

A moment later, John Salmons stole the ball and went down the open court for a relaxed reverse jam. The boos came cascading down again. By the end, Isiah looked ready to stick his head in the sand for a few centuries, Malik Rose begged his team to try harder and Zach Randolph got tossed for tossing his headband in frustration. Even the impressive return of Stephon Marbury was overshadowed by the mounds of crappiness stinking up the Garden. Rose, apparently, has publicly stated that the team simply doesn't care.

Compare that to the Sacramento starters (mostly backups until the stars got hurt), who looked like hardwood gods after playing the Knicks. Salmons accounted for 32 points, 11 boards, six assists and six steals. Francisco Garcia scored 22 points, and Brad Miller added 26 points and 16 rebounds.

Eddy Curry, meanwhile, came out "on fire" after the False Prophet decided to give up on his revamped lineup and go back to starting Curry and Randolph together. But even though Big Useless notched 15 points in the first quarter, his defense probably gave up 25, and he went 4 for 11 from the line.

In other words, it was one monumental, execrable performance. It's still early, but I think this team is special. The Knicks could end up being awful in unique and interesting ways. We are witnessing historic moments this season.

The moment that really stood out for me, though, was when Garcia dived into the baseline crowd while going after a loose ball. There were three minutes left in the game, and his team had a big lead. That's passion. The story of Mikki Moore offered a similar conclusion. As Frazier mentioned at one point, Moore went undrafted out of Nebraska and played in Greece, the CBA and the NBDL. He also got cut by seven different NBA teams. But he worked hard and persevered to the point where he's currently earning $6 mil per year from Sacramento, where he's a valuable contributor. Can you imagine if even one player on the Knicks had that kind of commitment and work ethic.

Next up: Knicks at Spurs at 8:30 p.m. on Friday.
Best-case scenario: While considering the matchup between the best and worst NBA teams of this decade, Isiah falls into a catatonic stupor and can't be moved from his hiding place under a chair in the locker room. The Knicks forfeit
Worst-case scenario: Umm, there is none. There is no way the Knicks will win this game.

Marks of Futility

The Knicks are the basketball version of the post-steroids Jason Giambi - flabby, gaunt, overpaid and a complete disaster on the playing field.

"Could It Get Worse for the Knicks?"

That was the headline question in the Times sports section Tuesday. Thankfully and hilariously, the paper didn't require anyone to read the actual article to get the answer. The end of the header read "Amazingly, Yes."

Does someone at the Times read this blog? Probably not. But Mike Ogle's look back at the year that was and the one still to come answered some questions raised by my latest post. Yes, the Knicks are on pace for 22-23 wins and 59-60 losses. In the historical framework, those are awful results but potentially record-breaking ones. Yes, it is obvious that the Knicks are bad in an epic way right now. But it will take hard work to set a historical low.

Team Titanic 1, Larry Brown's 2005-6 squad is currently tied with the 1985-6 edition of the Knickerbockers with a 23-59 record. Those are the most losses in franchise history. Three Knicks teams, however, won fewer games. They were all from the early 1960s, when a season had fewer contests. The all-time mark of ignominy goes to the 1960-1 squad that went 21-58 for a .266 winning percentage.

Right now, the Knicks are winning a .276 clip. That puts some new records within striking distance. We may all look back on 2007-8 as the season of utter shittiness.

This passage from Ogle's article also intrigued me:

"Two weeks ago, Coach Isiah Thomas said that in another two weeks it would be a fair question to ask him, as the team's president, if his job as coach should be in jeopardy."

Dear Lord, how did this news escape me? How could any reporter have underplayed this tidbit? This should have been the basketball version of the General Petraeus report. The media horde should have descended upon Madison Square Garden, waiting for the False Prophet to hold forth with stoic, sunny optimism and that plastered-on smile of idiocy. Alas, we all missed a great opportunity to take insanity and absence-of-reality to a whole new level of hyperbole and comedy.

Even so, the inevitable follow-up to Isiah's timetable was delicious:

"When reminded of that statement at Monday’s practice and asked what he thought about his job status now that the losing had continued unabated, Thomas replied, 'We’ll keep moving in this direction.'"

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Is he completely fucking mad? Is that the let's-lose-lots-of-games-and-suck-worse-than-Jason-Giambi- after-he-stopped-juicing direction? Thankfully, we got clarification from Ogle:

"Which direction is that? 'Me as coach,' he replied."

Oh. Well that makes just as much sense.