Give the Knicks an Asterisk

Seattle Sonics 86, New York Knicks 85

I don't know what Howard Beck is talking about over there at the Times. His latest article is either so tongue-in-cheek as to be completely disingenuous or he's actually buying the crap coming from the False Prophet. Knowing Beck, maybe he's just letting Isiah do his spin and reporting the results with something close to a straight face. Here's the gist of the article:

"If the Knicks had a campaign slogan for the final months of the season, it might be 'Losing with dignity.'"

Well, as long as it's losing, right? But then check out the follow-up:

"They found encouragement last month by going 5-2 after Stephon Marbury bowed out of the lineup to have ankle surgery. They have since gone 0-5, but with a string of shiny asterisks attached to the losses. The Knicks are encouraged because they held fourth-quarter leads in three of those games and also had chances to win the other two. That they repeatedly failed in crunch time was somewhat of an afterthought."

Now hold on there. Losing after holding a late lead, does not mean you get a "shiny asterisk." It means you folded in crunch time. It means you can't take the heat. It means that when it matters, you're still a shitty team. I think Beck knows this, so I guess this is all just fun for him.

The important thing, of course, is that the Knicks lost five straight and now stand at 14-33. By the way, do you remember the team's last extended West Coast trip? It was a 0-4 skid in November. Now a 0-5 streak. It seems the one thing the Knicks suck at more than basketball is basketball played far from home.

New York now has the fifth worst record in the NBA. I'd like it to get even lower, but losing to Seattle (12-35) was pretty nice. As Marc Berman put it so tersely in the Post, "The Knicks are in the toilet bowl."

Now that's good copy.

Next up: Clippers at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. Monday
Best-case scenario: Mike Dunleavy follows up his insult of the Knicks last week by taking out Isiah with a pregame judo kick to the temple.
Worst-case scenario: Isiah gets revenge by murdering Dunleavy in cold blood during the game, then standing over his lifeless corpse as the Garden goes nuts. Wow, I'm a bit bloodthirsty today.

Berman Boileth Over

Marc Berman's run-in with MSG security on Monday seems to have driven the Post's beat writer into a frothy rage. This is how it went down, according to Berman's recent column:

"I got pushed around pretty good by a couple of the green blazers while in chase of the heckler, as security became more physical than anything that happened between Quentin Richardson and Paul Pierce. Suddenly, a security officer, in the heat of the moment, yanked my press credential right off my neck as I walked."

The Garden of Hate, indeed.

Like I said before, it doesn't take much to keep reporters happy. Politeness, plenty of access and occasionally a little free chow will do the trick. But what the Garden pulled off on Monday is just about the easiest way to alienate them.

Berman is now seemingly in open warfare with the Knicks. They have heaped endless misery upon us poor fans. But imagine all the crap the reporters have to deal with. They're the ones who have to watch all the games and find something interesting to write about every day. You try writing something different about a pile of shit in each article and see how hard it is.

And here's Berman's wrathful sign-off:

"There's been no apology from the Knicks for the rough stuff - much like there's been no apology for this season of catastrophe."

So how does MSG react? By hitting back at all reporters, of course. The latest notices say that the media will be banned from now on from the "rotunda" and also prohibited from speaking to fans who are being ejected. Yup, and none of this, of course, is at all counterproductive.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Once colleagues and friends, Larry Brown and Isiah Thomas
are now sworn enemies

And just when you thought he'd faded into the yearning past, Larry Brown reared his ugly head this week and sent forth both a nice sally at his enemies with the Knicks and a great news item for a slow week.

Larry Brown, who presided over the original Team Titanic and that season from the depths of Dante's Inferno, must be getting jealous of all the new misery this year. His old bunch are getting overshadowed. And no one ever thought the Knicks could be worse than they were with Brown at the helm.

Brown opened his mouth this month to complain that MSG officials were spying on him regularly during his season with New York and giving him the cold shoulder, refusing to speak to the coach throughout the final weeks of his tenure. You can read all about it from the Post, the Daily News, Newsday and the Times.

Here's his nicest swipe, though. Brown, who's now with the 76ers in a front office position, was asked about head coach Maurice Cheeks and the potential he could replace him at some point. "I could never stab Mo in the back like that," Brown responded. Sort of like how Isiah axed Brown and then installed himself as head coach, right?

These sorts of comments might reek of sour grapes, but I like it. Brown, after all, waited almost two years to open his mouth - a fine show of restraint. And he also pulled off the salvo nicely. He didn't blame anyone particularly and instead indicted the whole organization as one filled with douchebags and creeps.

Frank Isola, the Daily News' beat writer, has a fine take on the whole event in his blog.

The False Prophet decided to stay above the fray, but that didn't stop the Times' Howard Beck from taking the opportunity to present a lengthy comparison of the Brown and Thomas eras.

Torpedo tubes open, fire away.

A Day of Relief

Washington Wizards 111, New York Knicks 98

It's amazing how much better you can feel 24 hours later, and I'm not talking about my cold. With life as a Knicks fan looking so lackluster on Friday, the Dumb Bunch came through in style.

First, they lost to the Wizards after beating them easily earlier this week. Then we hear that Stephon Marbury underwent surgery for bone spurs in his ankle and is out indefinitely. On top of that, Isiah Thomas continues his public game of coy/enigmatic/bullshit announcements regarding Marbury's relationship with the Knicks. Now everybody from the Garden of Hate janitors to the media to the crazy man singing songs in Penn Station have concluded that Marbury is finished in New York; He'll either be traded or cut.

And then, to cap it all off ...

Wait for it ............

A JEROME JAMES SIGHTING!!!!!!

As Marc Berman wrote in his blog: "Basketball's version of American Idle is back."

ZING!!!!

The Albatross around the Knicks' necks spreads his wings

This is like coming across Sasquatch in the remote woods of Oregon and discovering that he's only a large man so developmentally challenged that he can't tell left from right (actually, he doesn't even no what left or right are).

Yes, the biggest albatross in the Knicks organization emerged last night with a couple of minutes of garbage time remaining in the game and even sank his only basket. I'm surprised the False Prophet let him off the bench. He must have regretted the move the second that albatross started tightening around his neck.

So what nickname shall we give Jerome James? The Albatross? Oversold Sasquatch? The Stiff of All Stiffs?

And how about that "matador" defense. With apologies to Walt "Clyde" Frazier, that defense was even worse than matador. I can't quite find the right bloodsport analogy at the moment, unfortunately.

But you know what I like best?

The Post's Marc Berman. He and Howard Beck from the Times are the most reliably downcast when it comes to the Knicks (at least among those writers who have survived the past few years without quitting or going insane). But while Beck is subtle and biting, Berman loves a good written slap across the face. So I obviously drank deeply from the Berman Kool-aid after seeing this lede from his gamer today:

"Cancel the championship parade and date at the White House. The Knicks carried their season-high three-game winning streak into the nation's capital last night and saw it vanish like Congress in January."

One more thing about the mercifully quieted Marbury-Isiah hullabaloo. Have you ever noticed how public speculation about these kinds of subjects are always very public and yet very speculative. That's for a reason - the Knicks do a crap job of handling the media. Here's how you deal with internal problems: be as brief and unhelpful as possible and maintain a show of unity. Sort out the rest in the locker room. Here's how you don't handle these problems: snipe at each other through the press.

Next up: Knicks at Heat at 7:30 p.m. Saturday.
Best-case scenario: Losing to the worst team in the league, that's all we can ask for.
Worst-case scenario: This could get ugly. Miami looks horrible in a Knicks-in-December kind of way. It'll take some classic crappiness to get New York the L. Then again, they might just had enough putrefaction to pull off an 88-58 loss.

Let's Be Realistic ...

New York Knicks 105, Washington Wizards 93

The Knicks' win might have had something to do with Washington's ugly-ass uniforms

I turn my head for a few minutes, and the Knicks start kicking butt. Are the Knicks contagious? Can they infect other teams with their disease of inertia and apathy? It sure seemed that way against the Pistons on Sunday and the Wizards last night. Perhaps the best strategy for the Knicks is to rout the ventilation in the Garden of Hate to run from their locker room to their guests'. That way some airborne bacteria of crappiness can spread to everyone else.

I missed the first 11 minutes of the game last night. Then I turned on the TV and saw New York had a 28-12 lead. That was sure depressing. It's not just the good ball movement, the almost palpable sense of enjoyment among a few players, the downright friskiness of Renaldo Balkman and Nate Robinson or the ability to keep a lead. That's all bad enough. But then I see the numbers ... 26 assists and nine turnovers. Holy Shit. That sounds like a good team.

Let's be realistic here. The Knicks are not a good team. They're a crap team. They're a team sewn together from scraps of talent and a good deal of low-grade mortar. They belong in the D-League, where they'd probably get hammered by some hungry up-and-comers. No, they belong in Division 2. So no matter how good a pair of wins looks, remember that this is all counterproductive. This will not lead to any real changes.

The Post's Marc Berman, who has dropped all semblance of neutrality, has it right. The lede from his gamer read, "It's time for a contract extension!" Now that's the sarcasm I'm looking for. Unfortunately, it's a prospect scary because it could be true. Can't you see Fredo inking someone to a 17-year contract soon?

Next up: Knicks at Nets at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday.
Best-case scenario: PLEASE LET THE PAIN END! One loss, just one loss, please.
Worst-case scenario: The Knicks earn a - gasp - three-game winning streak. Zeus smites New York with a big thunderbolt, and Eddy Curry is elected mayor.

Vecsey Comes Undone

Here's a good photo of Peter Vecsey doing his Ancient Booer impersonation after dubbing Isiah the "King of Slime"

The total state of insanity revolving around the Garden of Hate these days has finally seemingly driven the Post's Peter Vecsey over the edge. Vecsey, of course, was the one who bestowed Isiah with the nickname the False Prophet, and I'm glad to see that he is responding to the Knicks and their Dante-esque level of hellishness by responding with the absurdity they deserve. That's why he used a paraphrase of a wonderful quote from "The Princess Bride" today in his column:

"Bow down to the King of Refuse! So, bow down to him if you want. Bow to the King of Slime, the King of Filth, the King of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!"

Vecsey was referring, obviously, to Isiah, who now has another great name to go along with the False Prophet: the King of Putrescence. Hmm, too wordy? Maybe King of Slime will do. Actually, both will work.

The other highlight of the column was the details on the trade offer from the Knicks that the Milwaukee Bucks recently turned down. The swap would have sent Zach Randolph and Renaldo Balkman to Wisconsin in return for Charlie Villanueva, Bobby Simmons and Dan Gadzuric.

I don't know how to react to this, but since Isiah made the offer I have to assume that it would have been terrible for the Knicks. And that's probably why the Bucks were nuts not to accept. If Isiah called me up with a trade offer that didn't involve me giving up Tim Duncan or LeBron James, I'd agree automatically. You just take it for granted that Zeke will screw over his own team no matter what.

By the way, the whole Marbury thing has taken on a surreal air. Right now, I'm leaning toward the back-off approach. A lot of the columnists want to send the guy to the public stockades, but I want to wait and learn more before making any judgments.

The Berman Trifecta

Toronto Raptors 99, New York Knicks 90

Chris Bosh goes medieval on the Knicks

Apparently, the Knicks lost last night. I wouldn't know for sure; I was too busy drinking. But all the papers say so. Either way, that's always welcome news.

But I'm far more excited about the Marc Berman's report in the Post that Isiah Thomas is considering leaving the bench and moving back up to the executive suite, despite all his vociferous, public denials.

According to the article, the False Prophet thinks most of his players go into games expecting to lose and he only likes three of them - Jamal Crawford, David Lee and Nate Robinson.

Now this is the sort of shit that drives me absolutely nuts. Of those three players, Crawford is the only one who starts. The others come off the bench. Look, I'm all for losing right now. But if Zeke had a non-stupid bone in his body or even one brain cell that was not tragically subpar, he might figure out that he should be starting the players who actually care about the game, especially since they're quite talented.

Of course, even though the prospect of Isiah canning himself as coach is delicious, it's a mere distraction - a band-aid placed on a festering wound. I am set on this point: The Knicks will never be good as long as Thomas (and most likely James Dolan as well) remains in charge.

Back to the game. I do regret missing this one because it apparently featured a nice little war of words between Zach Randolph and the False Prophet. Randolph, wonderfully enough, went scoreless, while Chris Bosh tomahawk slammed the Knicks into submission with 40 points.

I hope you enjoy this picture of the Evil Gnome in prime lumpy mode - look at those jowls

Has anyone noticed how well big men do against New York. First Yao Ming scores a season high, then Bosh falls two points short of his career high. Randolph, apparently, can't guard a cup of tea. As for his partner-in-crime, the Big Useless (Eddy Curry), he can't guard shit on a stick. And these are our two marquee players.

Berman, meanwhile, delivered the piece de resistance of his hat trick yesterday on his blog:

"Isiah Thomas called my story that stated he's considering removing himself from the bench to concentrate on the presidency 'a lie.' Isiah should know about lies because we've heard many of them for four years."

Ouch.

Also recommended: Alan Hahn's latest blog entry, which includes plenty of zingers for all the Knicks.

Next up: Pistons at Knicks at 7 p.m. on Sunday.
Best-case scenario: Rasheed Wallace drops 50 points, and Isiah responds by pulling both Curry and Randolph and then getting into a fight with them on the court.
Worst-case scenario: Zeke starts Lee and Robinson, and the Knicks respond with a 98-point win.

Fake Fans

This stunning news item came from the Post today: the fans featured in a series of commercials promoting the Knicks are actually actors. The ads, which feature seemingly true-life diehards talking about their devotion to the team while moments of past greatness flash behind them (you know, because moments of current greatness are hard to find), are fake.

Now this is nothing new in TV advertising. We've all seen thousands of commercials with actors talking to the camera as if they were real consumers. But this is a little too much. First, it shows us that the Knicks either didn't want to find real fans or just couldn't find any willing to show profess their faith so publicly.

The Knicks say that the actors are also Knicks fans. Perhaps. But why this extra bit of duplicity? Would it be so hard to produce a commercial that in some way doesn't reek of bullshit?

Also, graphic design student/Knicks fan Ivan Cash has gotten another mention in the big papers after the Daily News printed a rundown of vendors who have produced merchandise relating to the Knicks' woes. According to the article, Cash has sold 125 shirts outside MSG and another 35 online. Make that 36. I plan on purchasing one of those "Hate the Coach" beauties sometime today.

The Daily News article also mentioned a decal showing Isiah's name surrounded by flames and a very nice "Fire Isiah" hat that another fan is selling online at this site. Incidentally, here's a site I found featuring an interview with Cash.

The Banality of Losing

Houston Rockets 101, New York Knicks 92

Yao welcomed the Knicks back to reality on Wednesday

What ever happened to the execrable, cringe-inducing, total-disaster, bad-poetry-in-motion Knicks of yesteryear? Don't you yearn for those days when New York was dropping each game by enough points to win most football games? Can you remember when ever game was almost an apocalypse on the court?

After yesterday's humdrum loss to the Rockets, those days seem so far away. The Knicks have now gone 10 games without losing by 20 or more. The largest margin of defeat in that span was 18 points. Don't worry, eight of those games were losses. But still, it's been a while since the Dumb Bunch dropped a game by 27 to the Indiana Pacers on Dec. 17.

Does this mean the team is getting better? We can only hope not.

Wednesday was a bit staid and offered little beyond the memorable spectacle of watching the Knicks miss their first 12 shots of the game, prompting Walt "Clyde" Frazier to openly yearn for the team to try starting a game with energy at some point. Mike Breen offered this rejoinder: "That is certainly not the Knicks' m.o."

Oh, and of course, Isiah got tossed. That was a sweet moment of serendipity, watching the False Prophet get the heave-ho for brushing an official. If only he had the bad sense to stay and embarrass himself further. Alas, the task of watching the Knicks melt down went to assistant coach Herb Williams.

The Times' Howard Beck affirmed that Tuesday's disastrous victory was (mercifully) a rare anomaly, just another fool's gold win. "Order was restored to the Knicks' universe Wednesday night," he wrote in his lede.

Beck also reported that Isiah declared all his players off limits to any trades this season, calling them "untouchable."

Howard, take it away:

"In other words, Thomas seemed satisfied with his team. Some players, like Marbury, may be untouchable because of their contracts. Other players may be untouchable simply because no one else wants them."

According to Marc Berman's gamer in the Post, getting ejected was deliberate on Isiah's part. You know, coach gets purposefully tossed in order to fire up his team. Well even Isiah's most unlikely strategies tend to suck, and last night was no exception. With Zeke in the locker room, the Knicks stunk more than usual.

Of course, getting tossed in basketball isn't like getting tossed in baseball. In basketball, the other team gets one or two free throws as a result. Isiah doesn't seem to realize that the Knicks can't afford to give away any points. In fact, he should petition the NBA to allow his squad to start with a handicap. From now on, the Knicks will begin every game with a 4-0 lead. Don't worry, they'll still lose in the end.

Mitch Lawrence from the Daily News wrote that Isiah's ploy his dumbest move of the season.

Yes, the 25-point embarrassments might not be regular as rain anymore, but after that terrible win in Chicago everything is well again in the the Knicks' world of misery.

Next up: Raptors at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. on Friday.
Best-case scenario: Devastated by his team's failure to match its best winning streak of the season (two games), Isiah resolves to start a streak of his own and purposefully gets ejected again.
Worst-case scenario: Herb inspires the players with a "let's not suck" plea for mediocrity.

The Worst Player on the Worst Team

That would be one Quentin Richardson. Surprised? Don't be. Despite all the bitching and moaning about Big Useless (also known as Eddy Curry) and the waste of space that is Jared Jeffries, the award for now goes to Q, or the Worstest as I shall call him from now on.

Richardson has somehow flown under the radar this season despite atrocious shooting that would get him benched in a youth rec league game. But the Times' Howard Beck called him out today with a sharp denunciation.

We all know the Richardson lost his jumper at some point on the trip to New York from Phoenix, but the revelation this season is how bad his defense is. It's honestly hard sometimes to blame any one player for the matador defense (as Walt "Clyde"Frazier would say) that the Knicks employ, but Beck points out that the Worstest has surrendered 22 points to Josh Howard (a great player) and 36 to Mike Dunleavy (not even close to great) this season.

And thanks for those John Hollinger numbers, too. The great stat maven gives Richardson a PER of 6.8, good enough for 284th in the NBA. And the mystery is why Isiah has stuck with him in the starting lineup for so long. When the False Prophet did shake things up by subbing in Jeffries last week, it was a surprise. To think of all those games when Renaldo Balkman might have started in his place.

The reason for all of this sudden attention is that Zeke is apparently ready to bench Q tonight, according to an article by Marc Berman of the Post. But the supposed reason for the change is that the player's hip hasn't been bothering him. Yeah, and I'm sure his all-encompassing crappiness has nothing to do with it.

Meanwhile, Isiah had this choice quote to offer yesterday when asked if he would consider concentrating solely on his presidential and GM duties: "I know I won't find a more passionate person and a more committed person to [coach] than myself."

Passionate and committed. Two valuable ingredients in the big recipe. Unfortunately, this dish is lacking intelligence and a sense of reality.

Sports Section Roundup

Houston Rockets 103, New York Knicks 91

I confess my attention was divided between the NFL playoffs and the Knicks last night, so let's take today's cues from the area newspapers and see what fresh quips they can amuse us with.

The Times offers a zingy header, "Randolph Returns; Losing Never Left," and more trenchant wit from Howard Beck:

"Neither Thomas nor James Naismith could explain the Knicks’ endless woe, or the way that they consistently appear to be less than the sum of their parts."

The Post's Marc Berman, meanwhile, offered a terse lede - "It makes no sense" - in reference to how the Knicks could get worse even after getting Zach Randolph back. Well, that really hits at the heart fo the matter. The Knicks simply don't make sense. They live in an irrational, topsy-turvy world.

In his blog, Berman wonders how much longer Isiah will be employed and concludes, "The whole thing is too surreal to believe."

Alan Hahn from Newsday provides an efficient putdown for his lede:

"Isiah Thomas talks about seeking an 'honest effort' from his team. Well, quite honestly, even when they give it, they're not good enough to win."

Alas, the Sun has no weekend edition, but in the meantime enjoy the great John Hollinger's analysis of Wednesday's debacle against the Kings, which includes this choice passage:

"No offense to the Kings, but the Knicks should have won this game by 40 points, and if they weren't so preoccupied with mailing in the season, they would have."

Next up: Knicks at Bulls at 8:30 p.m. on Tuesday.
Best-case scenario: This is the the fourth matchup between the two teams this season, and unfortunately the Knicks won one of those games. It would be nice if their record went to 1-3.
Worst-case scenario: An abrupt end to what has become a beautiful little treasure of the new year, a seven-game losing streak.

State of Denial

Who's crazier - Isiah Thomas or Jurgen Prochnow's

uber-stressed u-boat captain?

Was I the only one who watched Isiah Thomas' pre-game comments last night and wondered if the guy had officially lost it, if he actually was living in the wonderland of his battered mind? Apparently not. After seeing the False Prophet's face of grim certainty and Panglossian reverie on ultimate success, Howard Beck surpassed himself again. Sportswriters sometimes have to wear many hats - statistician, social commentator, figure of justice. After watching Isiah ramble on about winning championships and seeing the Knicks get spanked by the injury-ravaged Kings, Beck, the Times' beat writer, put on a shrink's hat and penned what literary folks might call a masterpiece of psychological realism, a profile of an unstable mind in limbo.

And to hear Isiah's ravings made me think of Jurgen Prochnow's u-boat captain's ominous intonation to his crew while dodging depth charges in "Das Boot":

"Now it gets psychological, friends."

Indeed. Beck's article was good enough to repeat in its entirety. Alas, for the sake of brevity, accept some substantial excerpts:

"Things are rarely as they seem in Thomas’s world. Possibly, it is because his own narration constantly diverges from the expected and the evident. The Knicks reached 2008 with 8 victories and 21 losses — among the worst New Year’s Day records in franchise history. Thomas entered the first game of 2008 talking about championships and legacies. He was not, as far as anyone could tell, attempting humor.
'I believe that one day that we will win a championship here. And I believe a couple of these guys will be a part of that. And I believe I’ll be a part of that. And as I sit here and I say it today, I know people will laugh even more at me. But I’m hellbent on getting this accomplished and making sure that we get it done. And I’m not leaving until we get it done.'
The statement was delivered with great conviction and a steady gaze, as most of Thomas’s soliloquies are. It is becoming increasingly difficult, however, to gauge the true weight of his words. Thomas has made a lot of firm-sounding statements recently, only to undermine them."

All of this was accompanied by four large photos on the front of the sports section showing various gametime expressions of the False Prophet, ranging from comatose to assured to distraught. Alongside, his comments were pull-quoted with the most egregious passages rendered in extra-large type. Moving on:

"So it should not necessarily have been surprising that Thomas, with his team on pace to set a franchise record for losses amid nightly calls for his dismissal, had a different — some would say absurd — perspective.
'I don’t necessarily just want to win a championship,' Thomas said. 'I want to leave something that’s going stand for a long time. I want to leave legacy, I want to leave tradition. I want to leave an imprint and a blueprint, in terms of how people play and how they coach and how they respond when they put on the Knick uniform. I want to leave what I left in Detroit. This is a dark time for us. But I know there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.'"

I'm pretty sure that Isiah is the only one who sees that light, and that leads to another question - is the Isiah just like all the other false prophets of history: equal parts crazed and megalomaniacal. I asked a psychologist I know about his behavior, which has prominently included an insistence on all things positive while the surrounding world collapses and a startling absence of reality. The answer - a bad case of denial, perhaps a symptom of some underlying problem.

Isiah reminds me sometimes of a high school freshman in a class I once substituted in. She chattered along freely and volubly even though I asked her to shut up several times. When confronted, she denied that she had been talking, and I was forced to explain that thinking something is so does not make it so in reality. I think the False Prophet could benefit from a similar explanation. And now, the conclusion of Beck's gamer:

"'I believe we’re on the right path,' Thomas said. 'And I believe we have the right players. Our record doesn’t show that. But I’m not ready to give up on these players.' Then the true believer presided over his 22nd loss in 30 games, while a crowd of thousands chanted 'Fire Isiah.'"

While Isiah easily won quote-of-the-day honors, similar recognition should go to Eddy Curry, who responded with this when asked if he got a message from his coach after being benched last week:

“I don’t think I needed a message. But I got it, though. He could have told me. I respond well to conversation as well.”

As inept as Big Useless is at times on the court, one can never accuse him of being stupid or surly.

I'm not sure what the epigram at the bottom of this poster means, but I enjoy thinking of Isiah as the banana who insists on being an apple

While Beck scored the biggest points, the other Knicks beat writers had just as much fun picking Isiah apart. Marc Berman from the Post called it the coach's "most over-the-top performance yet" in an article titled "Thomas spouts delusional title talk."

Post columnist Mike Vaccaro was particularly gleeful:

"I WANT to live in Isiah Thomas' world. I do. I want to wake up in the morning, and even though the thermometer insists it's 23 degrees in the sun, you can walk the streets in your Bermudas and your tank top and your flip-flops and have to keep the sunscreen at the ready. I want to go to lunch, eat my hamburger and fries, then close my eyes really, really tight and convince myself that I've just consumed filet mignon and a side of lobster (with drawn butter). I want to step on the scale at my health club on the day after the holiday season ends and discover that I have - tada! - lost 25 pounds!

Vaccaro followed up that lede with 14 more paragraphs of the same. It needs to be read to be believed.

Mitch Lawrence of the Daily News, meanwhile, is having just as much fun as I am:

"Of all the nonsense Thomas has put forth during his four-plus years on the job, this might have been his strangest, saddest moment. Thomas didn't violate the Garden's media policy. He violated common sense, objective reality and something commonly referred to as the God's honest truth."

All of the New York area papers had similar write-ups, and there's no point listing them all. Just zip over to that links box on the upper right and have a belly of laughs while reading some of the local serial sarcasts go to town.

Berman Boils Over

This was written four days ago, but I didn't see it until now. Apparently, after the starting lineup debacle on Wednesday in Orlando, Post beat writer Marc Berman just blew a fuse. The result? Several days of vacation and this world-weary comment on the Post's Knicks Blog:

"I've got a basketball hangover from last night - still trying to figure it out - more confusing than Shakespeare's 'Comedy of Errors.'' The only logical explanation is Isiah Thomas is pulling a Larry Brown and trying to get fired. By the end of the Orlando night, Eddy Curry was more peeved than Zach Randolph, who vented before the game after being yanked from the starting lineup. Of course 2/3 of that starting lineup was changed at halftime. Isiah truly is a man of convictions."

Pretty standard Knicks postgame nausea, right? But then Berman provides this interesting factoid:

"Last night, Orlando president Pat Williams gave me his new book, 'The Ultimate Coaches' Clinic.' The book contains hundreds of coaches giving their tips on coaching. Isiah Thomas' advice is on page 98 and is laughable. Thomas: 'There are two types of coaches. 1. Values-based caoches [sic] who are concerned with the lives of the players.' 2. 'Just-coach-the-game coaches and that's it.' You have to decide who you are and build your principles around that. You have to make up your mind to be one or the other. 'Yes, Isiah, time to make up your mind who you are. At 8-20, the Knicks are on pace for 24 wins, one head of Larry Brown's original Team Titanic. I'm staying out here in Florida the next few days to escape the madness."

Team Titanic? Another great nickname. So let's start calling the 2007-2008 Knicks Team Titanic 2.

And lets hope that the Knicks don't drive any more sportswriters to soul-numbing despair.

Incidentally, New York is now 8-21. That's on pace for 22.6 wins (normally I'd round that up to 23, but these are the Knicks). It's also the fourth-worst record in the league. Miami, Memphis and Minnesota are worse.

But things are worse than that. The Knicks have a league-leading 14 losses by 10 points or more.They also have five losses by at least 26 points. And of the team's eight victories, only one came against a winning team - Denver.

Assuming the Worst

Orlando Magic 110, New York Knicks 96

It's not often that sportswriters go to a game assuming one of the coaches is an idiot. Despite any notions of impartiality, sportswriters certainly have some assumptions: Peyton Manning is a good passer, Bill Belichick knows what he's doing, Tiger Woods will probably pull away down the stretch.

But you don't see this often: The head coach is a raging moron, and we should have expected the worst.

But the age of caution is long gone in New York, especially when the Knicks are concerned. And sportswriters are gleefully unleashing some verbal uppercuts. The Post weighed in most savagely after Wednesday's loss to the Magic, with writer Marc Berman delivering this lede:

"Isiah Thomas' ballyhooed changes to the starting lineup last night caused more chaos and confusion."

But the article didn't end there. The hits just kept coming:

"With Thomas taking another page from the 'how-to-get-fired' handbook, the Knicks (8-20) notched their 20th loss last night, folding in the fourth quarter in a 110-96 defeat to the Magic at Amway Arena. The only thing Thomas accomplished was Curry and Randolph weren't on the court together all night. In the land of make-believe, this was unbelievable even by Thomas standards. After two days, Thomas stuck with his new starting lineup for two minutes. Then he had an entirely new alignment to start the second half. ... But after Curry picked up two fouls 2:06 into the game, Randolph was inserted and Curry was not heard from again. That is, until the start of the fourth quarter, when Thomas inexplicably attempted to defrost Curry, who was shocked to be put back in."

"How-to-get-fired" handbook, land of make-believer, defrost Curry - that's enough vitriol to make me giggle with pleasure. Add to that the hyperbolic, punny header: "Magic Kingdumb," followed by the equally insulting sub-headline, "Isiah Bungles Lineup Shakeup in Orlando." My only regret is that I didn't actually see the game, my night being occupied with prior plans.

Ken Berger of Newsday delivered an almost equally vicious lede in his gamer:

"Only the Knicks could make a drastic lineup change and have it blow up in their face in two minutes and six seconds. Only the Knicks could bench the wrong big man, anger both of them, bring the guy who should have been benched to begin with into the game after he'd sat for 34 minutes, and turn a three-point game into a blowout in the first 2 1/2 minutes of the fourth quarter. Confused? So are the Knicks. So, evidently, is the coach. Nothing makes sense with this team anymore, not after last night's inexplicable 110-96 loss to the Orlando Magic. 'We're all just trying to find answers here,' Knicks coach Isiah Thomas said. Sure. Wrong ones."

Howard Beck of the Times was a little more sedate, but even he had to offer some criticism:

"Coach Isiah Thomas furiously shuffled bodies all night in a vain search for an identity on a team that has none."

With blows this voluble landing, it seems fair to ask if the sportswriters were piling on. The answer is simple - of course they were, and the Knicks deserved it. What's more, piling on is fun in this situation. It's what this blog is dedicated to.

My last question was will Curry bit the dust? I'm still not sure if the answer is yes or no. Despite pre-game speculation almost unanimous on a switch of Curry for David Lee, Isiah kept Curry in the lineup over the far more productive Randolph, who was benched for Lee. But then Curry played less than five minutes overall, giving way to Randolph, who played most of the game and provided plenty of offense.

The other lineup change was even more surprising as the False Prophet put in Jared Jeffries for Fred Jones. No matter what Jones has done wrong over the past month, I think just about everyone knows that Jeffries is not the answer.

The important thing is that the Knicks are 8-20. Unfortunately, the pack of terrible teams is large this year, but New York has a good opportunity to secure the title of "Worst in the East" soon. The Knicks' biggest rival now is the Miami Heat, who are a half-game back.

Next up: Bulls at Knicks at noon on Sunday.
Best-case scenario - Jim Boylan's rise to head coach spurs the Bulls to a 40-point win. Buoyed by the success, the Bulls go on to sweep the Knicks over the season, ending with Viktor Khryapa dropping 60 points in a couple of months.
Worst-case scenario - The Knicks are so impressed they decide to trade their next two first-round picks for Viktor Khryapa.

"And at 6:04 of the third quarter ...

Los Angeles Lakers 95, New York Knicks 90

... we hear the first 'Fire Isiah' chants of the night."

So sayeth Al Trautwig, who stepped in for rare play-by-play duties beside Walt "Clyde" Frazier. Trautwig is always welcome. When he or Mike Breen are paired with Frazier, the game often sounds more like a baseball game (no, that doesn't mean it's boring). All three are comfortable and practiced enough to provide rigorous analysis while providing background information, stories and general thoughts about the players, teams and league.

But to get back to the point, I'm surprised it took that long given how lackluster the Knicks were throughout the early going. That deficit hit double digits early on and got up to 25 fairly quickly in the third quarter.

But once again, the Knicks had just enough life to avoid another juicy blowout and not nearly enough balls/clutchness/non-crapitude to take the final step and get a win.

Whew. The Knicks can't afford any wins right now. Isiah Thomas might get another contract extension.

My favorite part of the game, of course, was Clyde and Trautwig's discussion of how the Knicks players obviously don't give two shits. The venerable duo said they'd rarely seen a team so enervated and that opposing players were even beginning to comment on how lifeless New York seemed. As Clyde noted, players rarely criticize opposing players for not trying hard. The Knicks, it seems, are just so bad that other teams can't help but say something.

So Crawford shook off his phase of suckiness from the first half (remember that airball on the trey attempt) and netted 31 points. I still say he's a waste of talent.

Kobe Bryant was the true star, making all the big plays at the right times. He poured on 39 points, passing the 20,000 mark for his career in the third quarter as the youngest ever to do so. He also had 11 rebounds and eight assists and could have put together a triple-double if he wanted one.

Another highlight was Clyde saying that Eddy Curry could take advantage of his mismatch with Andrew Bynum because of the Lakers center's youth and inexperience. That was followed by Bynum promptly swatting away a weak shot by Curry, who spent most of the second half on the bench as usual. He's also in the picture above, presumably getting another shot blocked.

And then there was the final play, such a big screw-up and one of those moments of hilarious stupidity that only the Knicks could have made it happen.

From Bart Hubbuch's gamer in the Post:
"The Knicks' final sequence yesterday was poorly designed and even more poorly executed. In other words, it was a microcosm of their miserable season."

Well put.

Next up: Knicks at Magic at 7 p.m. on Wednesday.
Best-case scenario - Isiah cuts half of the roster then signs himself as a point guard, starting the game on the floor and then promptly tearing up his knee. His injury helps the Knicks rally Willis Reed-style to a two-point, triple-OT loss.
Worst-case scenario - Dwight Howard breaks Wilt Chamberlain's record of 55 rebounds in a game, finishing with 73 boards. He then swells into a new Godzilla-like creature and battles Matthew Broderick in the Garden's catacombs while trying to lay eggs.