"Ooh, Zach missed a three-footer"

New York Knicks 105, Chicago Bulls 100

That's what Walt "Clyde" Frazier, the living legend, said at some point in the fourth quarter on Tuesday with an odd mix of shock and piquant pleasure, and unfortunately it was the highlight of the game. Zach Randolph turned in an atrocious performance, but Eddy Curry - Big Useless himself - looked downright frisky.

That's really all we needed now. Curry found his mojo, Stephon and the dumb bunch started moovin' and groovin' in crunch time and the Bulls promptly screwed the pooch and lost a 13-point lead. And to think how close we came to making it eight straight (losses) in '08. Hmm, that could be a catchy campaign slogan.

Like I said after the New York almost beat the Spurs last week, this had disaster potential. Thankfully, Chicago still played better most of the game and the Bulls are a crappy team (just not as bad as the Knicks). In other words, it might be time for James Dolan, the Evil Gnome, to hand the False Prophet another fat extension. After all, if Tim Curry's Mini-Me can express unending faith in his pet brown-noser after long losing streaks, lord knows what he'll do once his team actually wins a game.

Dolan is like a coked-out Scrooge McDuck with a chasm in his pockets. Open the bank vaults and let 'er rip, boys!

Don't worry folks, it's only a fool's gold win

Beyond the fact that the Knicks won (another small catastrophe), there was some fun moments. Mike Breen matched Clyde's wit with this chestnut at one point in the third quarter: "A lot of players have found their offensive game when playing the Knicks."

And then there was the surprise start for Quentin Richardson, the Mr. Worstest in the flesh, even though all the news accounts prior to the game said Isiah was sure to pull the plug. No matter - Q was just as shitty as usual.

And then, of course, the Bulls welcomed Zeke back with some true Bronx cheers.

Thankfully, Alan Hahn of Newsday provided some perspective:

"But really what do you want as a fan right now? The Knicks are 9-24, well out of playoff contention. We know they're a House of Cards, really. We know their offense doesn't have much creativity and their defense is suspect most of the time (the effort against the Bulls at the end of the game was solid, but remember the Bulls were without Luol Deng). We know the chemistry isn't quite there. So what do you make of these fool's gold wins? Do you really think, a week away from the mid-point of the season, that the Knicks can still make something of this season? Or do you think it's time to start playing young players and seeing what you have?"

A fool's gold win. I like that. Another interesting tidbit from Hahn: The Knicks submitted their lineup card last night with Renaldo Balkman's name written twice and Richardson's name omitted. Can you believe it? The Knicks are so bad they can't even write down their roster correctly.

Next up: Rockets at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday.
Best-case scenario: Yao slams down the first 30-30 since ... I don't know, Moses Malone, Wilt Chamberlain?
Worst-case scenario: The Knicks have actually found their mojo.

Big Man Psychology

Chicago Bulls 100, New York Knicks 83

So with the shit hitting the fan as loss followed loss, the False Prophet pulled out this gem from his bag of tricks on Sunday - the old flip-flop switcharoo. After Isiah Thomas bungled his unvaunted lineup change on Wednesday, he came back with the inevitable correction against the Bulls: Zach Randolph plays, Eddy Curry sits.

And that made Howard Beck of the Times give us this:

"The day began with Curry out of the starting lineup for the first time in two seasons, the latest desperation move by Coach Isiah Thomas to break his team’s funk. The day ended with another rout — a 100-83 loss to the Chicago Bulls — followed by a tedious marathon interview at Curry’s locker stall, where he was asked 50 different ways about the benching while his teammates dressed and left. Curry said the demotion left him numb, which on balance seemed preferable to depressed. 'It definitely bugs me,' Curry said. 'I think I’m a starter in this league. But I guess not on this team.'"

There's something tragicomic about this exercise in pop psychology. Imagine the scene: Dozens of modern scribes gather round the bloated man-child of the moment, raining down questions as he offers sheer pathos in return.

Eddy Curry, Jamal Crawford and Stephon Marbury get their bench faces ready

And as Beck has done so wonderfully recently, that lede was followed with the most casual and subtle of putdowns. Where other writers scream their anger, Beck applies calculated disdain.

"Then again, Curry may just need to wait a few days for Thomas to change his mind again. Thomas has shaken up the lineup in two straight games, with two straight losses to show for it, and seems inclined to keep tinkering until something clicks. The Knicks (8-21) would seem to have little to lose anymore, aside from a few wispy strands of morale floating through the Madison Square Garden corridors. They lost four straight games and 10 of their last 12 to close out 2007, never showing any reason to believe they will be better in 2008."

In the meantime, the Knicks did their best to help new Bulls head coach Jim Boylan pull a Lawrence Frank. Maybe this is the break Chicago needed on the way to a playoff season.

Alan Hahn, incidentally, delivered this nice rant on Knicks Fix before gametime. It's enjoyable enough to copy almost in its entirety:

"When Isiah Thomas strolls into the Garden around 10:20 a.m. this morning -- barely 90 minutes before tip-off -- you can't help but wonder if a sense of urgency really exists at all. As Walt Clyde Frazier might say, now's the time for stressin' and obsessin'! Now's the time for dark circles under the eyes. Pulling out hair. Burning the candle at both ends. Sleeping in the office with video tape piled up around you. Now's not the time for giving two days off in between losses and after you threaten lineup changes.Now's not the time for inviting Roy Jones, Jr. into practice. Now's not the time to shuffle the lineup like a deck of cards without making sure every single player knows and understands what his new role will be in the change. I'm tossing the keys on the table here. Running out of things to blog at this point."

That's understandable. Hahn has been at this a lot longer than I have. But I'll trudge on in the meantime. Taking a daily dump on these fools who play for the Knicks is too much fun.

By the way, remember when Knicks-Bulls meant something special - the Garden going crazy, a super-intense matchup, a game that kept New York still for a few hours. Those memories are starting to get the dull patina of old age.

Next up: Kings at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday.
Best-case scenario - Ron Artest makes a triumphant return to New York by scoring 38 and shutting down Jamal Crawford so completely that Crawford announces his immediate retirement.
Worst-case scenario - Ron Artest demands a trade to the Knicks and promises to pump some life back into the team.

Bad Curry

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Big Useless

One more thing about Eddy Curry. 82games.com did some individual defensive rankings back in summer 2005. Among the 43 centers ranked according to their defensive contributions, Curry was 38th, right ahead of Mark Blount and just behind Nazr Mohammed. Yeah, that was two years ago, but it's still a good indication of how worthless Curry is.

So let's go over this one final time. Curry doesn't play defense (Scott Skiles, his former head coach with the Chicago Bulls, once said he needed to put more effort into jumping), is a lackluster rebounder and is one of the biggest turnover machines in the NBA. He also has a big contract doling out $12 million per year, the worst +/- on the Knicks, a heart problem and no apparent desire to try harder.

And for all this, the Knicks gave up Tim Thomas, Michael Sweetney, Jermaine Jackson, a first-rounder in 2006 that became Tyrus Thomas, the switcharoo in the 2007 first round that netted Joakim Noah for Chicago, a second-rounder last summer that eventually became Kyrylo Fesenko and a second-rounder in the 2009 draft. In other words, the Knicks won't be done paying for this trade until 2009.

So to go with his nickname King of Turnovers, I hereby also decree that Curry shall be known as Big Useless.