The Big Grab Bag

New York Knicks 88, Miami Heat 84

Well, you can't lose them all. Especially when you're playing a team that is now 8-31, has lost 13 straight and has easily wrested the title of "most pitiful spectacle in the NBA" from the Knicks. Is there a Riley-in-Wonderland blog somewhere?

Then again, the Knicks also managed to lose to the Heat earlier this season even though Dwyane Wade was on the bench, so this is a bit rough. So a win is a win, and I don't feel like talking about it. Instead, let's go over a grab bag of good stuff from this week.

Everyone has started to recognize just how useless Eddy Curry is

• First, some nice news from Sports Illustrated, which recently polled 242 NBA players to find out who among them gets the least out of the most talent. The results left Eddy Curry - Big Useless himself - in third with seven percent of the vote. Kwame Brown got first place, followed by Tim Thomas, Curry and Vince Carter.
• The Knicks had an opportunity to win four straight on Friday but lost to the Wizards. The last time they had a winning streak that long was in January 2006.
• Some hilarious news from the Post: Someone has been having some fun with the Phoenix Suns' Leandro Barbosa. The talented Brazilian received a prank message saying that he was being traded to the Knicks and had to go see the GM. His reaction? Utter misery. "My heart was hurting," Barbosa told the East Valley Tribune in Phoenix. "I went a little crazy." In the NBA, New York has become the new Siberia.
• And finally, an interesting anecdote I heard from Mike Breen and Kenny Smith on an MSG telecast earlier this week. Apparently, the media was asking Isiah a lot of questions about Renaldo Balkman, who had contributed a lot to that short, much-heralded winning "streak." Zeke conceded that Balkman had been great, but then he was asked why he hadn't been playing him at all for so much of the season. Isiah declined to answer the question and told the reporter to ask Balkman instead. So when they went to Balkman, his reaction went something like this: "How the hell should I know why I wasn't playing? I'm not the coach - I don't make these decisions."
• The False Prophet is so bad that even Canada has started to notice.

Renaldo Balkman just can't catch a break

Next up: Celtics at Knicks at 1 p.m. Monday.
Best-case scenario: The last time these two played, the Knicks lost by 45. Something similar would be nice.
Worst-case scenario: This is just one of those must-lose scenarios. The Knicks can't afford a win against such a good opponent, so I'd like to say a win is the worst-case scenario. Then again, these are the Knicks, so let's just go with a close loss.

The Banality of Losing

Houston Rockets 101, New York Knicks 92

Yao welcomed the Knicks back to reality on Wednesday

What ever happened to the execrable, cringe-inducing, total-disaster, bad-poetry-in-motion Knicks of yesteryear? Don't you yearn for those days when New York was dropping each game by enough points to win most football games? Can you remember when ever game was almost an apocalypse on the court?

After yesterday's humdrum loss to the Rockets, those days seem so far away. The Knicks have now gone 10 games without losing by 20 or more. The largest margin of defeat in that span was 18 points. Don't worry, eight of those games were losses. But still, it's been a while since the Dumb Bunch dropped a game by 27 to the Indiana Pacers on Dec. 17.

Does this mean the team is getting better? We can only hope not.

Wednesday was a bit staid and offered little beyond the memorable spectacle of watching the Knicks miss their first 12 shots of the game, prompting Walt "Clyde" Frazier to openly yearn for the team to try starting a game with energy at some point. Mike Breen offered this rejoinder: "That is certainly not the Knicks' m.o."

Oh, and of course, Isiah got tossed. That was a sweet moment of serendipity, watching the False Prophet get the heave-ho for brushing an official. If only he had the bad sense to stay and embarrass himself further. Alas, the task of watching the Knicks melt down went to assistant coach Herb Williams.

The Times' Howard Beck affirmed that Tuesday's disastrous victory was (mercifully) a rare anomaly, just another fool's gold win. "Order was restored to the Knicks' universe Wednesday night," he wrote in his lede.

Beck also reported that Isiah declared all his players off limits to any trades this season, calling them "untouchable."

Howard, take it away:

"In other words, Thomas seemed satisfied with his team. Some players, like Marbury, may be untouchable because of their contracts. Other players may be untouchable simply because no one else wants them."

According to Marc Berman's gamer in the Post, getting ejected was deliberate on Isiah's part. You know, coach gets purposefully tossed in order to fire up his team. Well even Isiah's most unlikely strategies tend to suck, and last night was no exception. With Zeke in the locker room, the Knicks stunk more than usual.

Of course, getting tossed in basketball isn't like getting tossed in baseball. In basketball, the other team gets one or two free throws as a result. Isiah doesn't seem to realize that the Knicks can't afford to give away any points. In fact, he should petition the NBA to allow his squad to start with a handicap. From now on, the Knicks will begin every game with a 4-0 lead. Don't worry, they'll still lose in the end.

Mitch Lawrence from the Daily News wrote that Isiah's ploy his dumbest move of the season.

Yes, the 25-point embarrassments might not be regular as rain anymore, but after that terrible win in Chicago everything is well again in the the Knicks' world of misery.

Next up: Raptors at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. on Friday.
Best-case scenario: Devastated by his team's failure to match its best winning streak of the season (two games), Isiah resolves to start a streak of his own and purposefully gets ejected again.
Worst-case scenario: Herb inspires the players with a "let's not suck" plea for mediocrity.

"Ooh, Zach missed a three-footer"

New York Knicks 105, Chicago Bulls 100

That's what Walt "Clyde" Frazier, the living legend, said at some point in the fourth quarter on Tuesday with an odd mix of shock and piquant pleasure, and unfortunately it was the highlight of the game. Zach Randolph turned in an atrocious performance, but Eddy Curry - Big Useless himself - looked downright frisky.

That's really all we needed now. Curry found his mojo, Stephon and the dumb bunch started moovin' and groovin' in crunch time and the Bulls promptly screwed the pooch and lost a 13-point lead. And to think how close we came to making it eight straight (losses) in '08. Hmm, that could be a catchy campaign slogan.

Like I said after the New York almost beat the Spurs last week, this had disaster potential. Thankfully, Chicago still played better most of the game and the Bulls are a crappy team (just not as bad as the Knicks). In other words, it might be time for James Dolan, the Evil Gnome, to hand the False Prophet another fat extension. After all, if Tim Curry's Mini-Me can express unending faith in his pet brown-noser after long losing streaks, lord knows what he'll do once his team actually wins a game.

Dolan is like a coked-out Scrooge McDuck with a chasm in his pockets. Open the bank vaults and let 'er rip, boys!

Don't worry folks, it's only a fool's gold win

Beyond the fact that the Knicks won (another small catastrophe), there was some fun moments. Mike Breen matched Clyde's wit with this chestnut at one point in the third quarter: "A lot of players have found their offensive game when playing the Knicks."

And then there was the surprise start for Quentin Richardson, the Mr. Worstest in the flesh, even though all the news accounts prior to the game said Isiah was sure to pull the plug. No matter - Q was just as shitty as usual.

And then, of course, the Bulls welcomed Zeke back with some true Bronx cheers.

Thankfully, Alan Hahn of Newsday provided some perspective:

"But really what do you want as a fan right now? The Knicks are 9-24, well out of playoff contention. We know they're a House of Cards, really. We know their offense doesn't have much creativity and their defense is suspect most of the time (the effort against the Bulls at the end of the game was solid, but remember the Bulls were without Luol Deng). We know the chemistry isn't quite there. So what do you make of these fool's gold wins? Do you really think, a week away from the mid-point of the season, that the Knicks can still make something of this season? Or do you think it's time to start playing young players and seeing what you have?"

A fool's gold win. I like that. Another interesting tidbit from Hahn: The Knicks submitted their lineup card last night with Renaldo Balkman's name written twice and Richardson's name omitted. Can you believe it? The Knicks are so bad they can't even write down their roster correctly.

Next up: Rockets at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday.
Best-case scenario: Yao slams down the first 30-30 since ... I don't know, Moses Malone, Wilt Chamberlain?
Worst-case scenario: The Knicks have actually found their mojo.

Another Disaster

Sacramento Kings 107, New York Knicks 97

I was very worried heading into the game against Sacramento on Wednesday night. The Kings were 11-18, missing their four best players (Ron Artest, Mike Bibby, Kevin Martin and Shareef Abdur-Rahim) and had not had a lead greater than 13 points during the entire season.

I shouldn't have fretted. Sacramento passed the 13-point mark in the second quarter, at which point the "Fire Isiah" chants began raining down. According to Walt "Clyde" Frazier and Mike Breen, it was the earliest in a game the ubiquitous chorus had started.

There's a consistent mediocrity, at times barely detectable, which can make you drift into a have while watching the Knicks. They're down by two points; blink your eyes twice, and the deficit has grown to 15. The Knicks were down by double digits early on and stayed there for the rest of the game, and I'm not entirely sure how it happened. That was an eminently winnable game, and the Kings are clearly not a good team. They would have collapsed in the second half if New York had not already given up.

That led to the depressing spectacle of Clyde and Breen spending the final 24 minutes discussing various ways in which the Knicks were a complete embarrassment. The latter provided this memorable comment midway through the third quarter:

"This crowd is just bored. They're not even booing anymore."

A moment later, John Salmons stole the ball and went down the open court for a relaxed reverse jam. The boos came cascading down again. By the end, Isiah looked ready to stick his head in the sand for a few centuries, Malik Rose begged his team to try harder and Zach Randolph got tossed for tossing his headband in frustration. Even the impressive return of Stephon Marbury was overshadowed by the mounds of crappiness stinking up the Garden. Rose, apparently, has publicly stated that the team simply doesn't care.

Compare that to the Sacramento starters (mostly backups until the stars got hurt), who looked like hardwood gods after playing the Knicks. Salmons accounted for 32 points, 11 boards, six assists and six steals. Francisco Garcia scored 22 points, and Brad Miller added 26 points and 16 rebounds.

Eddy Curry, meanwhile, came out "on fire" after the False Prophet decided to give up on his revamped lineup and go back to starting Curry and Randolph together. But even though Big Useless notched 15 points in the first quarter, his defense probably gave up 25, and he went 4 for 11 from the line.

In other words, it was one monumental, execrable performance. It's still early, but I think this team is special. The Knicks could end up being awful in unique and interesting ways. We are witnessing historic moments this season.

The moment that really stood out for me, though, was when Garcia dived into the baseline crowd while going after a loose ball. There were three minutes left in the game, and his team had a big lead. That's passion. The story of Mikki Moore offered a similar conclusion. As Frazier mentioned at one point, Moore went undrafted out of Nebraska and played in Greece, the CBA and the NBDL. He also got cut by seven different NBA teams. But he worked hard and persevered to the point where he's currently earning $6 mil per year from Sacramento, where he's a valuable contributor. Can you imagine if even one player on the Knicks had that kind of commitment and work ethic.

Next up: Knicks at Spurs at 8:30 p.m. on Friday.
Best-case scenario: While considering the matchup between the best and worst NBA teams of this decade, Isiah falls into a catatonic stupor and can't be moved from his hiding place under a chair in the locker room. The Knicks forfeit
Worst-case scenario: Umm, there is none. There is no way the Knicks will win this game.

"And at 6:04 of the third quarter ...

Los Angeles Lakers 95, New York Knicks 90

... we hear the first 'Fire Isiah' chants of the night."

So sayeth Al Trautwig, who stepped in for rare play-by-play duties beside Walt "Clyde" Frazier. Trautwig is always welcome. When he or Mike Breen are paired with Frazier, the game often sounds more like a baseball game (no, that doesn't mean it's boring). All three are comfortable and practiced enough to provide rigorous analysis while providing background information, stories and general thoughts about the players, teams and league.

But to get back to the point, I'm surprised it took that long given how lackluster the Knicks were throughout the early going. That deficit hit double digits early on and got up to 25 fairly quickly in the third quarter.

But once again, the Knicks had just enough life to avoid another juicy blowout and not nearly enough balls/clutchness/non-crapitude to take the final step and get a win.

Whew. The Knicks can't afford any wins right now. Isiah Thomas might get another contract extension.

My favorite part of the game, of course, was Clyde and Trautwig's discussion of how the Knicks players obviously don't give two shits. The venerable duo said they'd rarely seen a team so enervated and that opposing players were even beginning to comment on how lifeless New York seemed. As Clyde noted, players rarely criticize opposing players for not trying hard. The Knicks, it seems, are just so bad that other teams can't help but say something.

So Crawford shook off his phase of suckiness from the first half (remember that airball on the trey attempt) and netted 31 points. I still say he's a waste of talent.

Kobe Bryant was the true star, making all the big plays at the right times. He poured on 39 points, passing the 20,000 mark for his career in the third quarter as the youngest ever to do so. He also had 11 rebounds and eight assists and could have put together a triple-double if he wanted one.

Another highlight was Clyde saying that Eddy Curry could take advantage of his mismatch with Andrew Bynum because of the Lakers center's youth and inexperience. That was followed by Bynum promptly swatting away a weak shot by Curry, who spent most of the second half on the bench as usual. He's also in the picture above, presumably getting another shot blocked.

And then there was the final play, such a big screw-up and one of those moments of hilarious stupidity that only the Knicks could have made it happen.

From Bart Hubbuch's gamer in the Post:
"The Knicks' final sequence yesterday was poorly designed and even more poorly executed. In other words, it was a microcosm of their miserable season."

Well put.

Next up: Knicks at Magic at 7 p.m. on Wednesday.
Best-case scenario - Isiah cuts half of the roster then signs himself as a point guard, starting the game on the floor and then promptly tearing up his knee. His injury helps the Knicks rally Willis Reed-style to a two-point, triple-OT loss.
Worst-case scenario - Dwight Howard breaks Wilt Chamberlain's record of 55 rebounds in a game, finishing with 73 boards. He then swells into a new Godzilla-like creature and battles Matthew Broderick in the Garden's catacombs while trying to lay eggs.