The Ghost of Christmas Past

Once colleagues and friends, Larry Brown and Isiah Thomas
are now sworn enemies

And just when you thought he'd faded into the yearning past, Larry Brown reared his ugly head this week and sent forth both a nice sally at his enemies with the Knicks and a great news item for a slow week.

Larry Brown, who presided over the original Team Titanic and that season from the depths of Dante's Inferno, must be getting jealous of all the new misery this year. His old bunch are getting overshadowed. And no one ever thought the Knicks could be worse than they were with Brown at the helm.

Brown opened his mouth this month to complain that MSG officials were spying on him regularly during his season with New York and giving him the cold shoulder, refusing to speak to the coach throughout the final weeks of his tenure. You can read all about it from the Post, the Daily News, Newsday and the Times.

Here's his nicest swipe, though. Brown, who's now with the 76ers in a front office position, was asked about head coach Maurice Cheeks and the potential he could replace him at some point. "I could never stab Mo in the back like that," Brown responded. Sort of like how Isiah axed Brown and then installed himself as head coach, right?

These sorts of comments might reek of sour grapes, but I like it. Brown, after all, waited almost two years to open his mouth - a fine show of restraint. And he also pulled off the salvo nicely. He didn't blame anyone particularly and instead indicted the whole organization as one filled with douchebags and creeps.

Frank Isola, the Daily News' beat writer, has a fine take on the whole event in his blog.

The False Prophet decided to stay above the fray, but that didn't stop the Times' Howard Beck from taking the opportunity to present a lengthy comparison of the Brown and Thomas eras.

Torpedo tubes open, fire away.

Fake Fans

This stunning news item came from the Post today: the fans featured in a series of commercials promoting the Knicks are actually actors. The ads, which feature seemingly true-life diehards talking about their devotion to the team while moments of past greatness flash behind them (you know, because moments of current greatness are hard to find), are fake.

Now this is nothing new in TV advertising. We've all seen thousands of commercials with actors talking to the camera as if they were real consumers. But this is a little too much. First, it shows us that the Knicks either didn't want to find real fans or just couldn't find any willing to show profess their faith so publicly.

The Knicks say that the actors are also Knicks fans. Perhaps. But why this extra bit of duplicity? Would it be so hard to produce a commercial that in some way doesn't reek of bullshit?

Also, graphic design student/Knicks fan Ivan Cash has gotten another mention in the big papers after the Daily News printed a rundown of vendors who have produced merchandise relating to the Knicks' woes. According to the article, Cash has sold 125 shirts outside MSG and another 35 online. Make that 36. I plan on purchasing one of those "Hate the Coach" beauties sometime today.

The Daily News article also mentioned a decal showing Isiah's name surrounded by flames and a very nice "Fire Isiah" hat that another fan is selling online at this site. Incidentally, here's a site I found featuring an interview with Cash.

The Banality of Losing

Houston Rockets 101, New York Knicks 92

Yao welcomed the Knicks back to reality on Wednesday

What ever happened to the execrable, cringe-inducing, total-disaster, bad-poetry-in-motion Knicks of yesteryear? Don't you yearn for those days when New York was dropping each game by enough points to win most football games? Can you remember when ever game was almost an apocalypse on the court?

After yesterday's humdrum loss to the Rockets, those days seem so far away. The Knicks have now gone 10 games without losing by 20 or more. The largest margin of defeat in that span was 18 points. Don't worry, eight of those games were losses. But still, it's been a while since the Dumb Bunch dropped a game by 27 to the Indiana Pacers on Dec. 17.

Does this mean the team is getting better? We can only hope not.

Wednesday was a bit staid and offered little beyond the memorable spectacle of watching the Knicks miss their first 12 shots of the game, prompting Walt "Clyde" Frazier to openly yearn for the team to try starting a game with energy at some point. Mike Breen offered this rejoinder: "That is certainly not the Knicks' m.o."

Oh, and of course, Isiah got tossed. That was a sweet moment of serendipity, watching the False Prophet get the heave-ho for brushing an official. If only he had the bad sense to stay and embarrass himself further. Alas, the task of watching the Knicks melt down went to assistant coach Herb Williams.

The Times' Howard Beck affirmed that Tuesday's disastrous victory was (mercifully) a rare anomaly, just another fool's gold win. "Order was restored to the Knicks' universe Wednesday night," he wrote in his lede.

Beck also reported that Isiah declared all his players off limits to any trades this season, calling them "untouchable."

Howard, take it away:

"In other words, Thomas seemed satisfied with his team. Some players, like Marbury, may be untouchable because of their contracts. Other players may be untouchable simply because no one else wants them."

According to Marc Berman's gamer in the Post, getting ejected was deliberate on Isiah's part. You know, coach gets purposefully tossed in order to fire up his team. Well even Isiah's most unlikely strategies tend to suck, and last night was no exception. With Zeke in the locker room, the Knicks stunk more than usual.

Of course, getting tossed in basketball isn't like getting tossed in baseball. In basketball, the other team gets one or two free throws as a result. Isiah doesn't seem to realize that the Knicks can't afford to give away any points. In fact, he should petition the NBA to allow his squad to start with a handicap. From now on, the Knicks will begin every game with a 4-0 lead. Don't worry, they'll still lose in the end.

Mitch Lawrence from the Daily News wrote that Isiah's ploy his dumbest move of the season.

Yes, the 25-point embarrassments might not be regular as rain anymore, but after that terrible win in Chicago everything is well again in the the Knicks' world of misery.

Next up: Raptors at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. on Friday.
Best-case scenario: Devastated by his team's failure to match its best winning streak of the season (two games), Isiah resolves to start a streak of his own and purposefully gets ejected again.
Worst-case scenario: Herb inspires the players with a "let's not suck" plea for mediocrity.

Hate the Coach

Ivan Cash hawks his self-designed T-shirt outside Madison Square Garden before getting arrested for "intent to sell" on Wednesday

So now Ivan Cash is finally getting some attention. The college student - who has speculated tongue-in-cheek that his intriguing name indicates a mysterious status as a money-obsessed Russian gangster or 80s porn star - had achieved only 33rd street fame before Wednesday.

That's because the 22-year-old graphic design student at SUNY-Geneseo was known until now only by those poor Knicks fans entering Madison Square Garden who saw Cash occasionally hawking T-shirts with the edict, "Don't hate the player or the game - hate the coach," and a picture of Isiah Thomas.

I confess, I had heard of Cash before the Daily News reported his arrest on Wednesday for "intent to sell." In other words, he was offering his self-designed T-shirts outside the Garden without a vendor's license.

Well the News got the headline wrong ("Student arrested for 'Fire Isiah" tees" despite there being no such slogan on the shirts in question). It also failed to mention that Cash has been doing this for some time now and has had trouble with the fuzz before.


I first came across his Web site over a month ago and considered for a time calling this blog "Hate the Coach." Alas, Isiah-in-Wonderland was both catchier and more specific. Now Cash has set up a separate site just for selling the shirt. There's also the original story of how he designed and starting selling it back in November 2006 (check out the photo of Walt "Clyde" Frazier appending his John Hancock to one of the tees). Cash also provides the following denunciation:

"Isiah Thomas is the worst thing that's ever happened to the New York Knicks, period. As the president and general manager, Isiah previously fired the coach he'd hired: Larry Brown, (causing the Knicks to eat his remaining, ~$10 million salary) and appointed himself as head coach. Not only have the Knicks failed to have a winning season or make the playoffs since Isiah has taken over, but they also have consitantly had the highest payroll in the league. Innumerable lost draft picks, and a sexual harrasment charge later, the time is ripe to give Isiah the boot."

He hates the False Prophet, the T-shirt is cool and has a great message and it all supports a college student - what's not to like.

State of Denial

Who's crazier - Isiah Thomas or Jurgen Prochnow's

uber-stressed u-boat captain?

Was I the only one who watched Isiah Thomas' pre-game comments last night and wondered if the guy had officially lost it, if he actually was living in the wonderland of his battered mind? Apparently not. After seeing the False Prophet's face of grim certainty and Panglossian reverie on ultimate success, Howard Beck surpassed himself again. Sportswriters sometimes have to wear many hats - statistician, social commentator, figure of justice. After watching Isiah ramble on about winning championships and seeing the Knicks get spanked by the injury-ravaged Kings, Beck, the Times' beat writer, put on a shrink's hat and penned what literary folks might call a masterpiece of psychological realism, a profile of an unstable mind in limbo.

And to hear Isiah's ravings made me think of Jurgen Prochnow's u-boat captain's ominous intonation to his crew while dodging depth charges in "Das Boot":

"Now it gets psychological, friends."

Indeed. Beck's article was good enough to repeat in its entirety. Alas, for the sake of brevity, accept some substantial excerpts:

"Things are rarely as they seem in Thomas’s world. Possibly, it is because his own narration constantly diverges from the expected and the evident. The Knicks reached 2008 with 8 victories and 21 losses — among the worst New Year’s Day records in franchise history. Thomas entered the first game of 2008 talking about championships and legacies. He was not, as far as anyone could tell, attempting humor.
'I believe that one day that we will win a championship here. And I believe a couple of these guys will be a part of that. And I believe I’ll be a part of that. And as I sit here and I say it today, I know people will laugh even more at me. But I’m hellbent on getting this accomplished and making sure that we get it done. And I’m not leaving until we get it done.'
The statement was delivered with great conviction and a steady gaze, as most of Thomas’s soliloquies are. It is becoming increasingly difficult, however, to gauge the true weight of his words. Thomas has made a lot of firm-sounding statements recently, only to undermine them."

All of this was accompanied by four large photos on the front of the sports section showing various gametime expressions of the False Prophet, ranging from comatose to assured to distraught. Alongside, his comments were pull-quoted with the most egregious passages rendered in extra-large type. Moving on:

"So it should not necessarily have been surprising that Thomas, with his team on pace to set a franchise record for losses amid nightly calls for his dismissal, had a different — some would say absurd — perspective.
'I don’t necessarily just want to win a championship,' Thomas said. 'I want to leave something that’s going stand for a long time. I want to leave legacy, I want to leave tradition. I want to leave an imprint and a blueprint, in terms of how people play and how they coach and how they respond when they put on the Knick uniform. I want to leave what I left in Detroit. This is a dark time for us. But I know there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.'"

I'm pretty sure that Isiah is the only one who sees that light, and that leads to another question - is the Isiah just like all the other false prophets of history: equal parts crazed and megalomaniacal. I asked a psychologist I know about his behavior, which has prominently included an insistence on all things positive while the surrounding world collapses and a startling absence of reality. The answer - a bad case of denial, perhaps a symptom of some underlying problem.

Isiah reminds me sometimes of a high school freshman in a class I once substituted in. She chattered along freely and volubly even though I asked her to shut up several times. When confronted, she denied that she had been talking, and I was forced to explain that thinking something is so does not make it so in reality. I think the False Prophet could benefit from a similar explanation. And now, the conclusion of Beck's gamer:

"'I believe we’re on the right path,' Thomas said. 'And I believe we have the right players. Our record doesn’t show that. But I’m not ready to give up on these players.' Then the true believer presided over his 22nd loss in 30 games, while a crowd of thousands chanted 'Fire Isiah.'"

While Isiah easily won quote-of-the-day honors, similar recognition should go to Eddy Curry, who responded with this when asked if he got a message from his coach after being benched last week:

“I don’t think I needed a message. But I got it, though. He could have told me. I respond well to conversation as well.”

As inept as Big Useless is at times on the court, one can never accuse him of being stupid or surly.

I'm not sure what the epigram at the bottom of this poster means, but I enjoy thinking of Isiah as the banana who insists on being an apple

While Beck scored the biggest points, the other Knicks beat writers had just as much fun picking Isiah apart. Marc Berman from the Post called it the coach's "most over-the-top performance yet" in an article titled "Thomas spouts delusional title talk."

Post columnist Mike Vaccaro was particularly gleeful:

"I WANT to live in Isiah Thomas' world. I do. I want to wake up in the morning, and even though the thermometer insists it's 23 degrees in the sun, you can walk the streets in your Bermudas and your tank top and your flip-flops and have to keep the sunscreen at the ready. I want to go to lunch, eat my hamburger and fries, then close my eyes really, really tight and convince myself that I've just consumed filet mignon and a side of lobster (with drawn butter). I want to step on the scale at my health club on the day after the holiday season ends and discover that I have - tada! - lost 25 pounds!

Vaccaro followed up that lede with 14 more paragraphs of the same. It needs to be read to be believed.

Mitch Lawrence of the Daily News, meanwhile, is having just as much fun as I am:

"Of all the nonsense Thomas has put forth during his four-plus years on the job, this might have been his strangest, saddest moment. Thomas didn't violate the Garden's media policy. He violated common sense, objective reality and something commonly referred to as the God's honest truth."

All of the New York area papers had similar write-ups, and there's no point listing them all. Just zip over to that links box on the upper right and have a belly of laughs while reading some of the local serial sarcasts go to town.

Hail the Daily News

In keeping with the theme of Isiah Thomas' four-year anniversary over the weekend, check out this retrospective by Frank Isola of the Daily News. It opens with one of those classic attempts by Isiah to rationalize the mess he created:

"We started from deep, deep, deep in the hole. We started with a cap number that was probably the highest of any NBA team in history and a low talent level and a building that was empty. Now we have a building that is full, probably one of the most profitable franchises in the NBA. Our cap number's down and our talent base is good. We're young, we're improving and we still have a lot of room for growth. Now we've got to put some wins on the other side of the ledger."

Ah yes, winning - that's the only accomplishment Isiah and the Knicks are missing. Too goddamn bad it's the only important one. And by the way, what's the salary number now? Is Isiah even aware that the NBA has a luxury tax and not a salary cap?

Isola's column is a nice, albeit brief look back at four years that could be a primer on how to suck in the NBA. Some of the Isiah's early, stupid moves are now quite forgotten after the fiascos of Jerome James and Jared Jeffries in the past year. But Isola reminds us of the idiocy of yesteryear, highlighting such personnel gems as the Steve Francis acquisition. Good times. It also included a few moves I didn't know about, like Isiah firing Mike Saunders.

It's always fun to trash something in print (witness this blog). That's why movie critics love what they do. They find new putdowns for the latest on-screen dreck. But it's tough to rail against Isiah in an interesting and fresh way after people have been doing it for four years. That's why I liked Isola's column.


Also, major props to the Daily News for those "Fire Isiah" tearaway pages (pictured above). Yeah, it might not be impartial, but aren't we a little past that by now?

Vote for the Rebels

Like Howard Beale (right), the half-crazed, world-weary news anchor played by Peter Finch in "Network," some Knicks people just couldn't take it anymore. And they decided to follow that desperate man's famous dictum:

"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. ... Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. ... All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!'"

And now, you have the chance to honor those courageous few who have taken their protests to a new level. The New York Daily News is offering the chance to vote for Anucha Browne Sanders or the fan duo of Ed Barnes and Jason Silverstein as New York's sportsperson of the year.

Anucha, of course, sued Isiah and Dolan's asses for being a bunch of junior-high pervs. Barnes was the one who threw his jersey on the floor in disgust, while Silverstein held up a sign that said "Fire Isiah" and got booted from the Garden. I wonder how Garden security would handle the fans at big-time college football games. They'd probably have to kick everybody out eventually.