My Fellow Americans

OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER.


ISAIAH HAS BEEN FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


REJOICE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. FOR SO LONG I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS MOMENT. AND NO DOUBT, I SHALL CELEBRATE IT APPROPRIATELY WITH BURNING EFFIGIES AND SOLEMN REMEMBRANCES OF ISAIAH'S TERRIBLE LIFE AND THANKFUL DEMISE. BUT I AM NERVOUS, AS I WAS AFTER SCOTT LAYDEN'S OUSTER, THAT THE CHANGES WE CELEBRATE MAY BRING NO BETTER SOLUTIONS.

THIS IS THE END OF THIS COMMENTARY, WHICH I HAVE WILLFULLY IGNORED FOR MORE THAN TWO MONTHS IN JOYOUS AVERSION.

I KNOW NOT WHAT LIES AHEAD. BUT LET US ALL REMEMBER THE DAY ISAIAH THOMAS GOT FIRED, SHITCANNED, ZIGGIED, AXED, KICKED OUT ON HIS ASS. TRULY, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL TODAY.

On Vacation

We're 48 games into the Knicks' season, and I'm proud of both them and myself. I've managed to pump out enough vitriol to fill a coffee table book. More importantly, New York is 14-34 and currently on a six-game losing streak.

Ahh, that's the good stuff.

Moreover, the Knicks have constantly embarrassed themselves with off-court controversy, often verging on sheer pathos and insanity.

Sadly, I'll be taking a leave from it all. I go on vacation today and won't return until Feb. 29. During the interim, Isiah-in-Wonderland will be on hiatus. I'll be monitoring as much as I can from overseas, but in the meantime you'll have to supply your own Knicks bashing.

Hey Doc, I can't find Jerome's pulse

To tide you over, here are some fun predictions for the next three weeks:

1. Isiah will remain as coach and GM.
2. James Dolan will be arrested for participation in an internet pornography ring.
3. Stephon Marbury will begin living in the deep bowels of MSG like the Phantom of the Opera.
4. The Knicks will win against Indiana on Wednesday then drop their next three.
5. Quentin Richardson will start a fight on the court and get bitch slapped.
6. Jerome James will quietly die while riding the bench, but no one will realize for a week.
7. The Knicks will still suck when I get back.
   

Super Tuesday Endorsement

James Dolan, left, and Steve Mills, right, have both donated money to Hillary Clinton. That means my endorsement goes to Barack Obama.

Isiah-in-Wonderland is a strictly non-political endeavor. But sometimes politics and the Knicks conspire to force your hand. And so, this blog's endorsement goes to Barack Obama.

Just take a moment to assess that and change all your opinions accordingly.

This decision was based solely on one set of data that had nothing to do with the candidates or their issues. Of the four current members of the New York Knicks who have donated money to political candidates, three gave to Hillary Clinton. That's reason enough to vote for Obama, in my mind.

Steve Mills, who fulfills some sort of executive function for MSG, gave $2,000 to Clinton. Herb Williams gave her $1,000, though that was for her last senate campaign. And most egregiously of all, James Dolan (aka Fredo) has served up the maximum amount of $4,600. Stephon Marbury also gave $2,300 to Obama.

But when Dolan is letting the money fly, I'm always opposed. My only hope is that Clinton decides to use Dolan in her campaign. I'd love to see that two-bit ewok trying to give a speech and then getting pelted by venomous invective and perhaps some rotten fruit as well.

Give the Knicks an Asterisk

Seattle Sonics 86, New York Knicks 85

I don't know what Howard Beck is talking about over there at the Times. His latest article is either so tongue-in-cheek as to be completely disingenuous or he's actually buying the crap coming from the False Prophet. Knowing Beck, maybe he's just letting Isiah do his spin and reporting the results with something close to a straight face. Here's the gist of the article:

"If the Knicks had a campaign slogan for the final months of the season, it might be 'Losing with dignity.'"

Well, as long as it's losing, right? But then check out the follow-up:

"They found encouragement last month by going 5-2 after Stephon Marbury bowed out of the lineup to have ankle surgery. They have since gone 0-5, but with a string of shiny asterisks attached to the losses. The Knicks are encouraged because they held fourth-quarter leads in three of those games and also had chances to win the other two. That they repeatedly failed in crunch time was somewhat of an afterthought."

Now hold on there. Losing after holding a late lead, does not mean you get a "shiny asterisk." It means you folded in crunch time. It means you can't take the heat. It means that when it matters, you're still a shitty team. I think Beck knows this, so I guess this is all just fun for him.

The important thing, of course, is that the Knicks lost five straight and now stand at 14-33. By the way, do you remember the team's last extended West Coast trip? It was a 0-4 skid in November. Now a 0-5 streak. It seems the one thing the Knicks suck at more than basketball is basketball played far from home.

New York now has the fifth worst record in the NBA. I'd like it to get even lower, but losing to Seattle (12-35) was pretty nice. As Marc Berman put it so tersely in the Post, "The Knicks are in the toilet bowl."

Now that's good copy.

Next up: Clippers at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. Monday
Best-case scenario: Mike Dunleavy follows up his insult of the Knicks last week by taking out Isiah with a pregame judo kick to the temple.
Worst-case scenario: Isiah gets revenge by murdering Dunleavy in cold blood during the game, then standing over his lifeless corpse as the Garden goes nuts. Wow, I'm a bit bloodthirsty today.

Randolph Decides to Care

Portland Trail Blazers 94, New York Knicks 88, OT

It's hard to imagine that the Knicks managed to score only 88 points in 53 minutes of basketball. It's also hard to imagine that Zach Randolph played a good game. But there he was, all square head atop rotund body, knocking down shots all night. In other words, he can play pretty well when he gives two shits.

Randolph had 25 points and 13 rebounds. But he also made only 11 of 23 shots and tied Nate Robinson for the Knicks' worst plus/minus of the night with -14. (Interestingly, good old Channing Frye had the overall worst plus/minus of the night, going an incredible -18 in 14:31. He had only two points and four boards).

The Knicks shot 39.4 percent overall, and Howard Beck of the Times delivered a gem of a backhanded compliment in his lede:

"Seven months after leaving, Zach Randolph returned to his original N.B.A. home Friday night and turned in a vintage performance. He arrived late, shot a lot, scored in bunches and left the Rose Garden with a loss — much as he did for his last few years with the Portland Trail Blazers."

Jamal Crawford might be the goat for now,
but Isiah's still the all-time idiot

Then again, Jamal Crawford missed 21 shots to easily take Goat of the Night honors. Nice going, J-Craw.

Here's the most important thing - New York is now 18-32 and has lost four straight. Now that's Knicks basketball.

The most refreshing sight (other than the Knicks blowing a lead again and then wasting away in overtime) was David Lee back in the starting lineup, his seventh appearance there this season. Calmly efficient, he shot 5 for 6 and had 14 rebounds. During the past three games, he's averaged 39 minutes per night and made 20 of 29 shots. In other words, I can't freakin' believe he hasn't been starting regularly. Then again, of course, Isiah's an idiot.

Up next: Knicks at Sonics at 10 p.m. Saturday.
Best-case scenario: Kevin Durant follows up his mega-performance in the Sonics' win against the Knicks in December by exploding for a quadruple-double: 40 points, 15 rebounds, 12 dimes and 10 steals.
Worst-case scenario: I'm loving these terrible road trips. It would be sad to see one end in victory.

Tax Time

Utah Jazz 100, New York Knicks 89
Los Angeles Lakers 120, New York Knicks 109

Ostensibly, the Zach Randolph swap last summer between the Knicks and the Trailblazers was a steal. New York got Randolph, while Portland got Channing Frye and an overpaid, washed-up Steve Francis that it cut almost immediately. As someone one said, you don't just give away 17-10 guys. But the Trailblazers were desperate to get Randolph off their court and out of their books, wanting to begin the new Greg Oden era without even a whiff of the old Jailblazers days.

And yet, the news from the Times yesterday was that Portland had the upper hand in the trade so far. The Times just had to rub it in. But remember, anytime Isiah Thomas is involved in a trade, you can usually put down good odds that he's the one who'll be screwed in the end.

Speaking of duplicitous, incompetent, misleading, prevaricating and just plain crazy GMs, Thomas has finally fessed up and intimated interest in trading for Jason Kidd. This is the same guy who has been insisting since December that he likes the team he has and doesn't want to move any of the pieces on Team Titanic II, the magnum opus he spent four years putting together. Two months and hundreds of denial ready, he's conceded that Curry/Randolph isn't the answer and wants a point guard who actually, you know, doesn't blow donkey guts.

And finally, here was this great tidbit from a press conference a few days ago:

"Our guys are still trying to carve out their turf in the league," Thomas said. "They haven't really gotten to the point where they're superstars." Thomas then paused a second and his shoulders dropped. "Now, I hate that I said that because your headline writers will write, 'Knicks Have No Superstars; Isiah's Crazy,'" he said. One reporter playfully retorted, "We say that anyway."

Now this is brilliant stuff. It's never good when a coach or player starts reading the papers too closely, especially in a place as harsh as New York. Well, the False Prophet has obviously begun to do so, and I like this new little paranoid side of him that's envisioning negative headlines.

Of course, all of this stuff is good news. But nowhere near as good as watching the Knicks collapse down the stretch against the Lakers and then lose a yawner the next night in Salt Lake City.

You are about to see Kobe Bryant make Jamal Crawford his bitch

So overall a wonderful little two-day stretch. And then it just got about a thousand times better when I saw this article in the Times. The city has apparently lost about $300 million in tax revenue because of a weird exception granted the Garden of Hate over 30 years ago. Now that's going to end because the City council voted 40-3 to end the loophole. It's these sort of little changes that wave the stick at MSG management (who am I kidding, these guys are richer than kings and even more cruel). Less money for James "Fredo" Dolan and more for NYC? Sounds good to me.

The great thing is that this sort of decision must have been affected by the Knicks' putrefaction over the past several years. It might not be an official reason, but it's impossible to imagine that the utter shittiness on display at the Garden didn't influence some council members, just as it must have influence some of the decision-makers in the Anucha Browne Sanders trial last summer.

Next up: Knicks at Trailblazers at 10:30 p.m. Friday.
Best-case scenario: Frye posts 20 points and 20 boards and then bitch slaps Zach Randolph during pregame handshakes.
Worst-case scenario: Randolph scores 50 while leading the Knicks to a win, then runs through downtown Portland, destroying the cityscape like some overgrown Godzilla as Isiah runs behind him yelling, "No, Zach, no!"

Knicks Hating

Golden State Warriors 106, New York Knicks 104
New York Knicks 89, Philadelphia 76ers 81

Isiah-in-Wonderland was on vacation over the weekend, so there was no time to sort through these two games. Things have gotten a bit scary with a 5-5 record (THE HORROR) over the past 10 games. Winning at a .500 clip is just not acceptable right now, but at least we're not facing anything quite as bad as that three-game winning streak at the moment.

On the other hand, the Knicks have only the sixth-worst record in the NBA right now at 14-29 and are only four games behind the Indiana Pacers for the eight and final playoff spot in the East. Now that's horrifying indeed.

Anyway, I'm not the only one who just can't stand the Knicks this season. Last week brought a fresh wave of assaults and insults. The first to speak up was Clippers head coach Mike Dunleavy, who used the Knicks as an example of bad management.

"I would only make deals to help our future. Anything else is suicide," Dunleavy told the Los Angeles Times. "Anything else and you become the New York Knicks."

It's good to know that the Knicks can now serve as one of those management and personnel case studies. Students of the NBA years from now will have a display of the 2007-8 Knicks up in their classroom as an example of exactly what not to do in putting together a team.

When Charles Oakley talks, you listen

The other insult was far more serious because it came from someone so close to home. Charles Oakley, one of the most beloved players in Knicks history had these comments to share last week:

"They don’t have a leader. A lot of the guys on the team don’t know how to play basketball. They don’t look like they’ve been playing basketball on a day-to-day basis. I don’t think they have a lot of talent. They have a lot of guys making money. That doesn’t mean you have talent."

And then:

"Randolph is just a double-double guy and [Curry] hasn’t been in shape in two or three years. They lose the same way, by 20, 30 points. If you’re going to lose, lose going out – bodies on the floor, making an effort on defense. If you lose 30-something games by the All-Star break, it’s a disgrace."

When Oakley speaks up, you listen. Oak was a man among boys when he played in New York, one of the toughest hombres on the court. He was fearsome and intense, a hard worker who never let the other team get an easy basket. The city went into mourning when he was traded to Toronto (even though that trade netted Marcus Camby and eventually worked out pretty well).

And Oakley's words count far more than anything I, the other critics, the media or the average can can conjure. So when he lashes out at a team and players like that, it's time to either step up or leave your pride at home for the rest of the season.

Next up: Knicks at Lakers at 10:30 p.m. Tuesday.
Best-case scenario: Kobe, feeling a bit ornery, scores all of his team's points in an 89-84 victory. The Knicks backcourt spontaneously explode in embarrassment.
Worst-case scenario: Without Bynum in their way, Curry and Randolph destroy Kwame Brown and pile on the points.

Berman Boileth Over

Marc Berman's run-in with MSG security on Monday seems to have driven the Post's beat writer into a frothy rage. This is how it went down, according to Berman's recent column:

"I got pushed around pretty good by a couple of the green blazers while in chase of the heckler, as security became more physical than anything that happened between Quentin Richardson and Paul Pierce. Suddenly, a security officer, in the heat of the moment, yanked my press credential right off my neck as I walked."

The Garden of Hate, indeed.

Like I said before, it doesn't take much to keep reporters happy. Politeness, plenty of access and occasionally a little free chow will do the trick. But what the Garden pulled off on Monday is just about the easiest way to alienate them.

Berman is now seemingly in open warfare with the Knicks. They have heaped endless misery upon us poor fans. But imagine all the crap the reporters have to deal with. They're the ones who have to watch all the games and find something interesting to write about every day. You try writing something different about a pile of shit in each article and see how hard it is.

And here's Berman's wrathful sign-off:

"There's been no apology from the Knicks for the rough stuff - much like there's been no apology for this season of catastrophe."

So how does MSG react? By hitting back at all reporters, of course. The latest notices say that the media will be banned from now on from the "rotunda" and also prohibited from speaking to fans who are being ejected. Yup, and none of this, of course, is at all counterproductive.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Once colleagues and friends, Larry Brown and Isiah Thomas
are now sworn enemies

And just when you thought he'd faded into the yearning past, Larry Brown reared his ugly head this week and sent forth both a nice sally at his enemies with the Knicks and a great news item for a slow week.

Larry Brown, who presided over the original Team Titanic and that season from the depths of Dante's Inferno, must be getting jealous of all the new misery this year. His old bunch are getting overshadowed. And no one ever thought the Knicks could be worse than they were with Brown at the helm.

Brown opened his mouth this month to complain that MSG officials were spying on him regularly during his season with New York and giving him the cold shoulder, refusing to speak to the coach throughout the final weeks of his tenure. You can read all about it from the Post, the Daily News, Newsday and the Times.

Here's his nicest swipe, though. Brown, who's now with the 76ers in a front office position, was asked about head coach Maurice Cheeks and the potential he could replace him at some point. "I could never stab Mo in the back like that," Brown responded. Sort of like how Isiah axed Brown and then installed himself as head coach, right?

These sorts of comments might reek of sour grapes, but I like it. Brown, after all, waited almost two years to open his mouth - a fine show of restraint. And he also pulled off the salvo nicely. He didn't blame anyone particularly and instead indicted the whole organization as one filled with douchebags and creeps.

Frank Isola, the Daily News' beat writer, has a fine take on the whole event in his blog.

The False Prophet decided to stay above the fray, but that didn't stop the Times' Howard Beck from taking the opportunity to present a lengthy comparison of the Brown and Thomas eras.

Torpedo tubes open, fire away.

Q the Knife

Boston Celtics 109, New York Knicks 93

I missed this game, and apparently I also missed a few treats besides a solid loss. Howard Beck was quite sedate about the defeat, but Marc Berman put some gloss on it in his gamer: "It got so bad yesterday, the Knicks and Isiah Thomas were shown up by Celtics journeyman guard Eddie House and marginal center Kendrick Perkins."

Oh jeez, that must have been fun. According to Berman, this is how it went down:

"With 2:24 left in the Boston rout, House drained a right-corner 3-pointer in front of the Knicks' bench that put the Celtics up by 20 points. House turned to Thomas and shouted at him. In a rage, Thomas called timeout. When the huddle broke, Thomas led his five Knicks up the sidelines to midcourt as if they were looking for a street fight. Referee Joey Crawford talked to Thomas to settle him down."

In other words, this almost turned into Knicks-Nuggets II, which would have been a brilliant redux. And the False Prophet even let his mask of gentility/insanity slip during the postgame conference and let out a good curse. Alas, another opportunity for the Knicks to embarrass themselves before a national audience slips away. On the other hand, they lost by a lot. It may not have been 45 points, it wasn't even 20, but we'll take what we can get after last week's disgusting success.

And yet ...

And yet, how nice would it have been if Isiah had just started a flagrant brawl?

But there were still perks. Quentin Richardson and Paul Pierce got the double-ejection, with the Worstest apparently inviting Pierce for a postgame showdown outside. How disastrous would that have been for Q? Pierce has survived a knife attack and multiple stab wounds. Richardson is shorter, slighter and out of shape. And I can't quite see him in a Mack the Knife kind of role.

The Worstest is ready to throw down with Paul Pierce

Here's an idea, Q: How about you take that combativeness and sudden energy and try to buck up on the court? If you have the energy to fight, where's the energy to play defense, you miserable sack of shit. This is what I can't stand, and the same thing was evident during the fiasco with the Nuggets last season. You don't get the right to posture with false machismo if you're so pitiful that you can't put up a good effort more than once a week.

And Berman, of course, is pulling no punches these days. So he slipped this delectable morsel into his article: "Curry was god-awful defensively, out of position and removed after the Knicks fell behind 21-10 six minutes in."

Big Useless at his best.

By the way, Alan Hahn assures us that these recent wins mean exactly bupkus. Good to know this is all a facade of respectability.

Meanwhile, there was another imbroglio over fan discontent, as Berman recounted in his Knicks Notes roundup. The Garden of Hate's Big Brother-esque tactics have been both disappointing and hilarious so far - how long before someone holds up a sign at a game that says "2+2=5" - but this was the first time reporters got involved in some kind of fracas. I can just imagine how pissed Berman must have been when security jostled him.

The Knicks have to learn something about PR. They've already alienated all the fans and most of the media. But the media will turn around with a few wins. Reporters will never forgive this kind of bullshit, though.

But the most transcendent of all involved the False Prophet, of course. I don't even have a joke or commentary here. I'll let Berman do the honors in his blog:

"Weirdest moment came when Isiah lectured some of the writers for saying he was disappointed nobody asked him about Martin Luther King during his pregame availability with the media. One wiseguy journalist said later if he wanted us to ask him what MLK would have thought of Anucha."

Yup, those are the Knicks.

Isiah would love to talk about MLK, but don't bring up Anucha

Next up: 76ers at Knicks at 7:30 p.m. Friday.
Best-case scenario: Let's get that damn winning streak out of our minds with the beginning of a nice, long losing streak.
Worst-case scenario: Philly is 2.5 games ahead of the Knicks. If New York gets any closer, they might just wrest themselves out of the shitty tier of NBA teams and into the craptacular group.